Up and down days

Hi Reggie. I feel the same at the moment. I have been entirely alone since 1st April. At first, everyone said if only we weren't in lockdown....now it has eased, I am still alone.

I speak to neighbours over the fence, but no-one asks me in. It must be me, I guess, and I am feeling very sorry for myself. My childern live about 30 miles away, and we often communicate via whatsapp or texts and they obviously feel this is great, but I am living in a virtual world and it is killing me. 

After 9.p.m. there is no contact. Obviously other people feel it is too late, or they have to get up for work in the morning. Even now the pubs and restaurants are open, I wouldn't want to go on my own, and to be honest I don't think we are safe from Covid yet.

I am tired of crying, I am tired of getting up early every day and keeping busy clearing out wardrobes and garages and decorating - there is no point to any of it. 

Sorry, Reggie, this is not very supportive of me!

DorothyOz

Bless you both it's so difficult being on your own at times and a nice thing at others. I finished work today and from 2.30 haven't actually spoken to any1 else since!! Colin and I had no children but he has 4 grown up lads that we brought up together. They have their own lives and families etc and I have been alone in the house since mid May (Colin died 5 April) texting is an easy way tp communicate without verbal contact. Short and sweet and done quickly. I too want to go to a bereavement group and talk with real people in conversation even though I do love this community. I haven't done any clearing out yet DorothyOz I think because I'm not tripping over his stuff it's not in my way so it can stay where it is- that job cam wait!! Reggie64 days are up and all the time sorry to say! 20 weeks in for me and I cry often still. 

Tomorrow will be another day and we will carry on

Andy had so much stuff, I have had 2 skips in and only cleared the garage. That was just the rubbish. There is still so much I will be keeping, his art is everywhere in the house and the spare bedroom is still untouched, as he had set it up as a painting studio. This is keeping me busy, at least. We had 2 children each from previous marriages, his were estranged, and mine live in the city.

Everyone is very supportive from a distance.

About 20 weeks for me, too, BD, Andy died 1st April (no foolin'). I was okay at first, but now it is really kicking in.

Must keep busy, but for what reason I am not sure xxx

The reason is in your heart and memories of Andy.

I know it's hard being alone at home -I can't sit in the living room on my own - I've been making collages of Colin's life in photos. Colin as a dad then grandad but have stalled at the moment doing one of just the 2 of us. there's plenty of pictures, I just get so emotional reminiscing over where and when the photos were taken!!

Stay safe x

Dorothy, I am so sorry you are so acutely aware of the loneliness at the moment. It must really be a difficult situation to be in. I haven't been on my own throughout lockdown thankfully and I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had. But I certainly agree with the feeling that things don't really seem to make sense without our loved ones. I am sure I will feel that again once I'm back in Dublin two.