Hi
I’m new to this site and this group. It feels a little wrong posting here, so please accept my apologies if it’s inappropriate.
My wife is still with us, but I feel I’m already starting to grieve for her which again feels wrong but I’m trying to occupy my thoughts tonight and I decide to post.
She was first alerted to something serious being wrong 6 weeks ago when we called an ambulance for her and she was in hospital for 3 days undergoing tests, this alerted us to a suspected cancer, it was on the discharge papers that hadn’t been discussed with her so that was scary reading as to what they were thinking and testing for and only having google to read what it all meant.
Our GP received a copy and we were with him half an hour later and he went through it all with us which the discussions we had confirmed how serious this could be, he was very honest and we appreciated that. It took another 4 weeks of tests and retests before she had a diagnosis. Sorry I’m using she with the crazy idea that she reads this post and I’m avoiding using her name, which shows me how my mind is working right now.
it was confirmed 2 weeks ago that she had stomach cancer, which had spread to the bones and she had been given months left to live. She was still working 6 weeks ago albeit in pain since lockdown began and no one would see her other than phone appointments and told to take pain medication and do some stretches.
things have moved on pretty quickly since then. The day she was diagnosed, she moved the cat out of her way when we got home and did something that caused excruciating pain, speaking to 111 they then sent another ambulance and she spent the evening at A&E alone, despite my efforts they wouldn’t let me be with her after the news she had just received. The treatment she had in A&E compared to a few weeks before was awful. Left in pain and ignored until she was discharged late that evening.
that was the beginning of an awful few weeks for her, over that weekend the pain was unbearable, she now had the initial appointments with nurses and specialists at our local hospice, they recommend she go in for a short stay to get the symptoms under control, after 4 days there she had some complications and was transferred to hospital, where she spent 5 days before being able to go back to the hospice a few days ago. deterioration has been rapid. I spoke with the doctor this afternoon to voice my worries and ask if what I was seeing and feeling was accurate and sadly they confirmed it likely is, they confirmed my fears that we are likely looking at weeks now and not months.
the last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind and the last 2 since diagnosis impossible to take in.
My beautiful wife is only 45 and I’m 42. She has a 21 yr old son and we have a 12 yr old daughter, whose birthday is also only a few weeks away, that scares me. We’ve been together for 16 yrs and married for 13 years, we’re not going to see our 14th anniversary in November and that hurts so much
I’m struggling to get my head round all of this and the reality of it all has not sunk in yet. It’s heartbreaking seeing her go thought this and the torture she is going through. I’m scared for our daughter at such a vulnerable age and her son who doesn’t open up about his own feelings very well. I’m also scared for my future without her and how I’m supposed to cope with that and support everyone else when I fall apart.
I don’t know what to expect from this group, but maybe from others experiences who have sadly gone through this (I’m so sorry you have) I may receive good advice that will help me understand what’s happening around me
thank you for reading so far, I appreciate I have waffled a little too much
Hi Tattoo and a second welcome to the online community, although I'm very sorry that you've had to find us.
I'm so sorry to hear all that you and your family are going through at the moment. It must be an incredibly hard time for you all.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you also join the Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum group (link) as it's a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries as well as practical issues around end of life care.
If you'd like to join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' on the page that opens. You can then copy and paste your post from here into a new post there after selecting '+New' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'Reply'.
Sending a supportive ((hug))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
