Scream and rant all you want you are in a safe space here everyone knows exactly what you are going through .The funeral is a tricky one it does stir up lots of emotions and there is a finality about it .We only had 10 at Bills funeral but it was live on webcam so his sister and her family could see it .I think a lot of the going forward is unpredictable we are all broken at times but amongst the sadness is the joy being with our person gave us .There is a saying Grief is the price we pay for love and tears are all the love we cant give to our person leaking out .I have found the calm app very good it dosent work for everyone but it might be something you could look at .Also when I feel really overwhelmed being out on the fresh air is amazing .A lot of people just keep busy and it all boils down to relying on yourself really .Im glad Bill went first he wouldnt have coped .Be kind to yourself and rest as much as you need to things will go forward and its at your pace not everyday will be the same I just try to live in the moment and when the grief comes let it wash over me .I. will always miss Bill and wish him here but the cancer devastated him and took so much from him that I would only want him back when he was whole and healthy .I hope it all goes well for you keep posting all the very best x
