I want to scream......

FormerMember over 4 years ago

4 replies
25 subscribers
1237 views

It’s my wonderful husbands funeral tomorrow, due to Covid restrictions only 16 are allowed in the crematorium chapel, I’ve chosen family & friends that were close to me & our children.

Now I keep getting messages & people saying to me “ I’ll bet you will be glad when it’s all over”!

I just want to scream at them that for me it will never be over & that I don’t want tomorrow to come. I just don’t know how I will get through the service, I’m in floods of tears thinking about it.

Ive written my husband a very long letter to give him this afternoon & I know seeing him for the last time will break me.

My sons & step daughter will go home this week & I can’t bear the thought of being on my own in the house, I’m already on antidepressants, sleeping pills & pain killers. How am I going to fill the long hours, days & weeks. My husband & I were only apart for the days he was in hospital a total of 13 days in 38 years. I’m in bits.

I don’t want to hear, you can build a new life, or now you can do all the things you wanted to do from well meaning friends. I simply want what I can’t have & that’s my husband back.

I feel physical pain & know now what a broken heart feels like.

Sorry to rant but, I’m so so miserable & tearful.

Thanks for putting up with me.

P xx

Newb over 4 years ago

Hi it does take a long time for the pain to ease it will never go away the funeral will be a blur if it's anything like my wife's take it hour by hour that's all you can do be good to yourself and let no one tell you to get over it it takes years to come to terms with this terrible loss

Ian

NellieJ over 4 years ago

I wont press like but sending you some warm thoughts and if you have the courage, tell people that there is nothing that they can say at the moment. You need space for you to feel what you feel and think what you think, other people can get in the way even if they mean well.

I had to tell people what helped was people simply being around but saying nothing was what they could do to help.

Managing others is exhausting - come back and rant.

mccmcc over 4 years ago in reply to NellieJ

Kernowp

No one. Is "putting up with you" we are a bunch of people united by a common theme, bereavement, some of us more fortunate ones myself included seem to shrug it off and move forward others less so

Feel free to rant and complain, feel free to feel shitty, feel free to get grumpy with well meaning friends who have no idea what you are dealing with.

Here you are among friends who know, friends who give a s**t about you..

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Today, tomorrow and future we will be here for you Kernowp, and yes feel free to rant as much as you want. You are blessed to have spent those years with him. Nothing can ever take that away. Such a comforting thought. It’s tucked away in your heart. So very precious.

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I want to scream......