I want to burry my partner,but his daughter suddenly changed her mind

Sorry to hear this if you have a garden could you plant a plant that reminds him of you roses are always lovely and very often have names that are appropriate .You would have a place to visit him until the ashes situation has been resolved.If you dont have a garden then a little picture in a frame with a candle by it can also serve as a focal point.His daughter is  grieving as well but there are probably elements of regret that her relationship with her Dad wasnt ideal and now there isnt a chance. You are in a difficult position and it wont help your grieving but you have behaved with great dignity and kindness towards her and that makes you the better person .The missing is awful isnt it Im having these waves of grief that randomly appear and disappear out of the blue .Still struggling with music it can really set me off ..Anyway take care you are not alone lots of hugs xx

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Hi

Would she maybe let you have a small pot of ashes to bury yourself? That might help. I did this with Ric because I couldn't scatter him because of covid, now I have a little bit of him in my garden and it is comforting. I planted a purple rose and a few plants he liked. He hasEhas anhan angelbangel to mark the spit. I also have a photo with a small angel next to it by my bed.

I hope his daughter changes her mind and includes you. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

I don't have a garden unfortunately. Also I just found out I'm not a candle person or pictures. I have tried it once and every time I saw his face I start to cry. I tried to talk to his daughter again,hoping she would change her mind,but she didn't. If I would know for sure she will keep her promise and we will burry him in February,I will make my peace with that because I have to. But if not, and I'm worried it's going to happen,it's breaking my heart she took all this time from me,worst months in my life...without him xx

Hi,I don't have a garden unfortunately,so can't do that. I can't really have a picture of him anywhere in the the flat, it just make me cry every time I see it. But thank you anyway Alison xx

It's ok to cry when you see his picture bur you will smile too, remembering his smile or twinkle in his eyes and how he would look at you. You can tell his photo you love and miss him as if you're talking to him everyday/hour or minute!! I have pictures of Colin all over the the house (not the bathroom, that Would be weird!!)  I'm now into my 19th week without him and still cry --a lot!! Please get a picture  printed I'm quite sure you won't regret it. xx

Hi 

I have pictures of my wife all over my flat that way I can look at her talk to her  and have a little moan about my life with out her 

pictures and music all make you cry but it’s good to cry 

take care 

Martin x

I will try again

It has  been nearly 16 weeks without him

I just wondered why not put some of his possessions in your living room.  I have my wife’s woolly gloves on the arm of her chair, along with a colourful chemo scarf she liked.  Maybe start with one picture and see how it goes and build from there.  Peter x

Hello Zuzanka,

Just wanted to share my story with you. I am 19 months plus down the road.

My situation was slightly different in that I was married, so could pick up my husbands ashes anytime, but did not for a while as it is in my culture to pick up ashes and take to final resting place in one go. I wanted to deal with my husband's ashes sooner (again a cultural difference) but every time my stepson arranged to come up he would cancel at the very last minute. It meant at times, like keys dates, I spent alone as I had not made other arrangements. I felt very uneasy about this delay and at times, it was very difficult due to range of emotions you go through. So,  I understand how you may be feeling from a different perspective. 

Finally, when my stepson came over, more than half a year later, we fulfilled my husbands wishes together. We also spent a lot of time chatting. He told me he could not face visiting sooner. We had a real heart to heart. I am so glad that I did not react in a negative way when he cancelled so many times in the past!  I was patient and  mindful of him grieving too.

We both cried and laughed together that day but that was because we were both ready. Our bond is now closer albiet via a mutual loss.

Today 19 months on, he randomly sends me pics of his days out on the coast etc. I don't have children of my own and every time he contacts me now, it makes my day. i was also invited to join him in Iceland to celebrate his birthday had it not been for covid. I see a part of his father in him and am so grateful he keeps in touch. 

I hope this provides you with some comfort and that it works out for you. Take care. 

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx