The First for Me

Hi Ellie

I'm wishing your husband a happy heavenly birthday. As you have said I think the build up to a specific date is worse than the actual day. I hope you will be able to remember happier birthdays when you were together.

I am not surprised that going to a scan appointment without your husband's support was so difficult. I too find I'm less brave and have to summon my husband's strength to get me through things.

I am spending the day baking with my sons, it's a rain outside, and hopefully we will enjoy the eating.

Take care 

Ellie

I have lost my wife/soulmate of 30 years only 5 weeks ago. It would have been her birthday last Mon and as expected I fell to pieces. Just reading posts like yours makes me realize I'm not alone and people are coping in their own way so thanks for giving me the strength to face another day another challenge. Really wish you all the best luck for the future . Nick

Hi all,

I have got through both his birthday and mine now. Mine was really flat without him. His strangely not so bad! Still lots of goal posts to pass though.

I was ticking along but feel flat and tearful today! I need him to talk to and discuss things.

I have been told that we are all having a 10% pay decrease with a 20% cut in hours!!! That equates to 5 more hours a week with time on my hands and £150/month. To be reviewed in 3 months!!! I need busy, I can just cope with the money although it will be harder. Soucjngor helping the NHS!!! We are still not allowed to do any more surgery or private work. I feel there are other things going on and I wonder if I will be permanently redeployed!!!! There seems to be lots of secrets! We can not take a second job without permission!!! I may have to look though.

I could do with Ric to chat too. My dad is great but mum is never really helpful, she likens my loss to.her losing her mum and doesn't get the worry after all nothing has changed for her. My parents divorced when I was 16! She is hard work and I really don't need it at the moment! Just really want one of Ric's hugs! I feel very alone.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

Really sorry you have to deal with all this on top of everything else, no wonder you feel flat. That’s the hard bit when there’s no one there to have some reassurance, some support someone to tell you it will be ok. I’ve had to make some decisions lately regarding my car, and the dog having a little opp. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing I know it’s not the same as what’s happening with your job, but I hope I’m making sense.

take care love 

Mandy

xxx 

I think that's the nature of the beast, Carla had her birthday in Hospital and when I came to take her things home, the cards I had sent were unopened, she had not been able to do it and they had remained stuck in the bag of goodies I sent in. Fortunately I was allowed in for her last few days but boy even writing it down hurts like hell.

So I have about a year before her birthday, my 3 bad dates will be 14/02 (our first date) 24/04 Carla's birthday 05/05 Carla's last day.

So at least I'm getting a run up!

I think we are OK in feeling lost and out of sorts, and I think it is OK to feel you can't cope but the very fact we are here posting and replying and helping each other shows we are coping but maybe not as well as we would want to.

Nick

You are not alone and we have all been where you are, its early days for you.

Mine was eight months this week, i often wonder how i got this far. One day at a time seems to be the motto of a lot on this group.

I still do that, can not think of next week, and i think being in lock down for me has been hard, but getting there.

Every one her truly understand's what you are going threw and we have all at some point had that emotion, sad, angry,tearful,, i have even cursed him at times, laugh at silly things he done, all part of grieving and we all do it in our own way.

What ever you might be feeling, some one will pop up, and say i was like that, at times i have thought i was going crazy, but i am not.

Thirty year's is a long time, like my hubby and me, we beat you by quiet a few years, i am no youngest. Never had a life as such without him.

As you say one day at a time.

Take Care Ellie 

Hi Mandy

Any decisions and problems are huge alone and I guess my job probably feels no bigger to me than your car and dog to you. It is all huge to us.

I am sure I will survive. I rebooked my holiday to.italy today for next year too and although I am disappointed as both my daughter and myself were really looking forward to it, we wanted a busy Venice so next year.might be better all round, I will have got over all the firsts by then too! And it will be a couple of months before Hannah's 18th so more to celebrate. 

I have decided I will just pull myself together and I will attempt decorating the hallway and stairs and landing! I was going to.pay someone! But I can paint so the wood chip may have to stay and a good freshen up will do it! 

I guess somehow we all keep going and survive

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

Your right all of it seams huge, the dog was very close to my husband I just fed her and walked her sometimes, but he was with all day and they had a real bond, she had to have a little opp on her mouth and two teeth out, I some how got it into head that she was going to die and it would have been all my fault. And I have grown really close to her, I even bring her to work with me I now realise we are both helping each other.

I am pleased you managed to book your holiday  with your daughter, should be amazing in Venice. I find I have a down day then the next I tell myself to pull myself together, enjoy your painting it will keep you busy, that's something I have been thinking about doing too.

Take care 

Love 

Mandy

xxx

If you like the beach try Lido di Jesolo or Chioggia both very close to Venice and quite swanky in their own way, what they'll be like post lock down is anyone's guess...

Thank you. I will write that down. I really think we will enjoy the holiday more next year so it must have happened for a reason. 

I have another week off in August so I might get an overnight break somewhere by then..I do feel I need to escape a this even if only a day or two! 

It will be my son's 21st birthday in a couple of weeks so will concentrate on that and then start some decorating. Then I guess we get towards the dreaded Christmas!!! That will be a hard one, wedding anniversary on 23rd, Christmas and first anniversary on 28th!!!! Only thing all over at once! 

Off to do ironing now, been lazy this am and still iny PJ's at 11.30! Back to work tomorrow, all over the weekend!!! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx