Compelled to write everything down

Hi Sue. We would have been married 3yrs on the 6th May. My sister came for the day as could bear to think of me on my own. She made me paint my bedroom as had been saying it needed done. I could have strung her up at the time as I wasn’t in the mood but it did give me something else to focus on as would have just spend the day in bed crying otherwise. 
I will be thinking about you and Mandy as I know the date shouldn’t make any difference as we don’t love them and miss them any less Any other day but somehow it just makes the loss seem worse. 

Take care

shona 

Hello

I think we deal with things in our own way,but I believe there is a fine line between getting obsessive and grieving.

My present fixation is "what could I have done to spot what was going on earlier to maybe save Carla?" It does no good for me or her. So the going over "What about that time she thought her vertigo had come back" "That time she mentioned a funny wobble in her eyes during a headache (Migraine?)"

But she was having scans every three months and sadly it came storming back and took her from me 6 weeks ago more or less.

I won't tell you what to do as the very act of writing in here shows that you are a rational person who knows something is up. It's total shit this post loss of loved one world we inhabit and why not create a diary or even a small novel (you can leave out the bad stuff)

But I know Carla has told me I needed to move on once the big day had been, but I shall never ever forget her and I take my obsessive behaviours as part of the grieving process.

Hi mccmcc, I am truly sorry for your loss. This world is cruel. As you say everyone deals with grief differently and I don’t think there are no rights or wrongs. It does upset me looking through the photos but I feel relief when I get it written down. I have also done the “what ifs” and “should I have noticed” but it doesn’t bring them back and only upsets us. 
I hope this group helps you. It is soothing to know others are going through the same  Take care 

Shona 

I write and actually have a novel published on Kindle. Carla left me a synopsis for a book she wanted me to write. (She was something of an animal rights activist)

So I have begun my novel about a Fox from the city, who ends up in the country (Locked in the back of a van when stealing cheese!) He then discovers about foxhunting which of course is alien to him and he is horrified, he hooks up with another fox and they are befriended by a woman who tries to protect them....

I'm hoping it will be finished by Christmas..and I have strict instructions to make it free!

This is the first paragraph...

One day your king, the next your something far less. It had taken me a whole summer to get my patch established, fights, squabbles, fronting others up to show who was boss, I lost a chunk out of an ear and a good bit of my once bushy tail was gone. All that not withstanding I had achieved a patch, not bad going for a youngster. My patch took in the kebab shop and the chicken shop, very important for a chap like me. I could saunter from my den beneath the broken down bandstand in the park avoiding the drunks and drug users, cut down the alley making sure I wasn’t seen or there was no broken glass lying around, to the back of the kebab shop and always find a decent feed, hunger was my constant companion and most of us would go to great lengths to ensure we had enough to eat, let me tell you all those portly dogs I used to watch through the windows of the houses where they were kept prisoner as they snoozed on the floor, that they know nothing of hunger but also nothing of freedom, they might counter that and ask what freedom did I have but I had my own patch and I was free to live and die as I wanted.