Loosing love of my life

Hi Fuchsia. My husband passed away last Christmas Eve at home , we had been married 48 years and like you everything happened so quickly towards the end, the cancer in his liver spread so fast. It's been nearly 6 months now and I still can't believe he has gone. I will be thinking of you.

Jane

Hi Fushsia

Im so sorry you find yourself here, I know how hard those last days can be. My husband only just got to 50 & there are several people on here who have lost loved ones in their 40s & even 30s. I was wondering what I could say that might be helpful to you for right now. 

One of the main things that people say on here when they’ve lost their partners is that they wish they’d said more. It’s completely overwhelming to watch someone you love die but whether he is asleep or not, say everything & anything you want to say to him now- doesn’t matter how silly it sounds. It will help you, when you look back at this stage to know you’ve said everything you wanted to say - some people don’t get that chance & whilst we all have regrets, you won’t regret telling him how you feel. 
I massaged my hubby’s feet & hands, tried to make him comfortable, talked about the birds tweeting outside the window, anything to try & take him out of that room he was in, even if it was just for a few moments in his head. Once he was sleeping & no longer conscious I sat there with him, stroked his arm, made sure he knew I was there, if only by touch. Don’t feel bad if you aren’t there when he does go, sometimes it happens that way too. 

It takes a lot of courage I know, to be there & see this deterioration , but what are doing right now isn’t nothing, it’s giving him courage to face this & comfort to know you are near. You are doing a great thing, but if it gets too much remember it is alright to step away.

Sending you strength & love

Sarah xx

Hi Fushia,

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It really is the most heartbreaking thing we can go through.

My husband also went very quickly, we were told on Monday he had months left and he went the following Thursday.

I agree with what Sarah says to keep talking to him. Mark was unconscious for last 2 days but I still kept talking to him, telling him how much I loved him, thanked him for our 2 beautiful children, anything that came into my head really, and stroking his arms and holding his hand. I was with him at the end, just the 2 of us, my kids had gone home for a couple of hours and I was glad it was just the 2 of us, but I also know people who didn't want to be there at the end and anything you feel is right for you is the right thing to do.

Once again I am so so sorry you are going through this. Please keep posting, it has certainly helped me over the last 6 months.

Love and hugs Ali x

Hello Fuschia. My husband died very recently too : early April, just 65, and the speed of decline with SCLC is breathtaking. Literally.  I found our last couple of days very odd, unsettling, as neither of us realised the end was so close and I so wish I had stayed longer at the hospice the day before he died. But I wasn’t allowed to...

In the end, “I love you “ seemed the most important thing to say.  I also found recordings of piano music that I’d been playing a lot over the last few weeks and that helped too. Bach...obviously...same as my username....

The day he died he could barely speak, and I didn’t want to fuss at him too much ( he never did like fuss).

Of course it hurts.

I’m lost too...crying nearly every day. I have support from the hospice...I find it helps to talk. 

Grief and Love are close. 

Best wishes x Rose 

No words will be enough, but the feelings from others are with you.  x

Thank you so much to you all for all the messages.

sadly my partner had passed Sunday morning. 

I feel so empty ;(

There's almost nothing i can offer to give you comfort at this time, but all of us who post here have been through the same. 

Anger, grief in its rawest form, confusion, guilt, blame and plain old feeling horrible will be present for a long time to come. I can offer, if you have a dig through the posts you will see glimmers of humour from us lot and little moments of triumph as we achieve something no matter how small.

I believe the vast majority of us go on an upward trajectory towards a degree of normality, it's not without it's downs and there will be very bleak times to come but light will come back even if it is slowly at first.

Also I don't know of any dying partner or loved one who demands that the one left behind spends the rest of their days deeply unhappy and their life remains in tatters..

Please accept my deepest condolences......

Hi fuscia

I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't really get easier but we keep going. Do use us for support, this little chat room has definitely kept me going.

My husband was 60. He was a few years older than me. He was told at the end of September and I lost him very quickly on Dec 28th. He was still mobile etc and I found him face down on the floor. I was too late. I try to think he is at peace and free of pain and now dignified again. 

I am lonely even with my children around. But I battle on. As will you, because we do.

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

My heart is with you x

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear this. It must be such a difficult and scary time for you. I remember when this happened to me a little over two years ago. I was so devastated and didn't know how to go forward without the love of my life. How are you coping?

Love Mel