Does anyone else feel this way

Hi Ian,

I'm going to say exactly the same thng as everybody else. 17 months on and I still sleep with his picture on the pillow next to me. I kiss his pcture every morning and every night and I talk to him regularly and still ask him from to time to come the hell back. How could we not be depressed but, as Geoff rightly says, it's different from clinical depression. Sometimes I wonder if it can develop into that. Don't know but it's one of the natural stages of grief, I imagine.

Well, you've received enough replies to reassure you that you're normal, unless it means we're all abnormal. Hee-hee.

Take care, Ian.

Hi Geoff

I was discussing depression and grief with a colleague and friend yesterday at work! We had no patients so gave us time for a chat about all sorts. We actually trained together 35 years ago and had rooms next to each other. 

We were saying how many Drs think that grief is depression. I said that I am sad but not depressed. A huge difference. The word depressed gets mis used. My brother once said there is s huge difference between having a pissed off day and being depressed! My mother used to say she had depression until that conversation and then changed quite considerably! No more pills etc. 

I am not saying that people may not end up with depression but there is a difference between grief and depression. There does seem to be a rush to put you on pills! I avoided my GP for that reason. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Oh Ellie, I do not know whether to  feel better that you echo my feelings so exactly, or worse. Is it more hopeful that someone else is hit so hard by losing their love? It seems cruel of me to find comfort in someone else's pain.

There is no joy any more. I did not love him for long enough, only 22 years.  I was 25 years with someone else before that, and was content and it was love.     But by some miracle, we still both found each other though we shouldn't have. If only I could have met him sooner, we would have had 40 years together. But then my children would not be the same as they are, and I would not alter them in any way - they are perfect. And I did know the whole time I was with him, just exactly what I had got. My God, we went out on a limb for each other.  But now the branch is broken and I am never going to be the same. xx

Hi Alison, I love your rely to Geoff.

I am avoiding.... avoiding like crazy believing that I am depressed and it is grief only.

I still work in the NHS and the thought that COVID Counselling may open up a can of worms for grief to spill out (10 months a widow) is a concern when I am 'coping' and am so busy and wholly distracted at work, that I actually have not done myself any favors (still putting up that brick wall that professional can) and not processing....

This weekend is my first non-wedding anniversary and then in August I have to get though that year milestone - If anyone has any top tips other than just getting very drunk I would love to hear from you.

Love to everyone Jess xxx

Hi Jess,

I am no expert! I have done the loss of a husband twice and am a qualified nurse. I hide behind busyness. I didn't grieve my first husband, I had the children to deal with and lots of other things! Strangely though I have now managed to grieve my first husband because for some reason it was like I could say goodbye to the both when Ric died. I can not quite rationalize that one! I have got a little stuck with saying goodbye to Ric because of covid because I can't set him.free and scatter him as I would have liked. I hope to next month.

Nursing cancer patients through covid as I was redeployed was hard. But I am not giving in to.thr grief. I have had plenty of bad days. In the beginning I was so upset that people were dying alone as it went beyond my morals and training.

As for drinking, I have been drunk, but it doesn't work for long. I have used rescue remedy and kalms to sleep. I am lucky to have friends in the same boat so that has helped us both I think. I haven't done counseling, I don't feel it would help me. I have had EMDR in the past for needle phobia and have used those techniques. But mainly I keep busy, that is my strategy. 

Perhaps you need some time off work, just to be you. Working in the NHS has been stressful!!! 

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Jess,

I lost my husband a little more than two years ago and while I still miss him a lot, it has become easier over time as I have learned accepting what is and that, whether I like it or not, I have to move forward with my life.

for some of us taking some time off work may be helpful. For me it was not. I needed to be busy at all times and till I was strong enough to deal with my feelings.

I had a little bit of counselling at the start and perhaps it was helpful in that I was able to talk about myself and my feelings and had somebody there who was on conditionally listening. But after a while I felt I was able to do all that reflecting myself.

hopefully you will find what is right for you I listening to your inner wisdom.

Love Mel