Does anyone else feel this way

Hi Ian, Im glad you posted, and I hope others can answer your  question. I know I'm no expert on grief  and I can hear how much you are hurting. I feel for you.   Its 5 months today since Ken passed. Like you I still talk to him and miss him so much. I don't cry so much as feel  apathy and hopelessness. There is though, that spark of hope that keeps me going. I've had other  big problems crop up which mean I haven't had a lot of time to think solely of my loss.  I know  you probably have too, it's an awful time. Keep posting and asking, we can support each others. I hope you have better days soon. X

Hi Ian 

As I've told a few others I've researched grief in some depth from many sources including Spiritual. The overriding message seems to be that grief never truly goes away; we just build another life around it. I have another friend who lost his wife 14yrs ago and he thinks of her every day.And there are still certain songs which make him weep when they pop up. Yet he still has many world wide holidays and loves to socialise. I'm not quite sure how comforting this is either for you or me? All I do know is I've lost the spark for life but soldier on from day to day making the best of what's going on. 

Light and Love 

Geoff x

Hi Ian. I agree totally with what you said , and also what Geoff said. I am also nearly a year on this sh.t journey , I still talk to my wife and kiss her photo every day. And the tears do still flow , not as often , but they can come at any time. 
as Geoff said grief never goes away, I think we learn to live with it. 
Geoff also said about the spark for life . I have definitely lost that , I get through the day , but not actually living it , just surviving it , I would love to think I will be happy again, but quite honestly I can’t see it happening anytime soon.
Mike 

morning Ian I'm so sorry for your loss and everyday I think I've cried for my babe kiss her picture talk to her always telling her I miss her so much and I love her . I don't have video or film just pictures I've tried pressing them against my face tto see if I can feel her face against mine think I'm saddest man just miss the woman everyday. . Take care Ian someday we will get there I pray .

Hi again Ian 

I forget to answer your question about depression.

CLINICAL depression is an illness and has no direct connection with the every day depression we all experience from time to time - epecially whist we grieve. I've been taking medication for Clinical Depression and Accute Anxiety for over 20yrs and it will never go away.It's an imbalance of a substance called Serotonin in the brain. However my meds do nothing to relieve my depression from grief at the loss of my dearer wife Anne nearly 11 months ago and  along with all the mental and emotional hurt it involves. I hope this helps my friend.

Light and Love 

Geoff x

Thank you all for your replys it helps a great deal to. Have friends on here many thanks

Hi All regarding this thread.

I have read with great interest, it is only coming up for eight moths for me.

I can not at the moment seeing anything getting any better.

I cook, but like i used to, what is the point, i clean but not like i used to, nothing is the same.

Have tried to  keep busy doing what was his garden and sorting out his shed, not because i want to because i have to and i have pushed and pushed to  get it done.

 I to kiss him goodnight and good morning, is this right i am not sure, i loved him for such a long time, i do not know a life with out him, never been on my own before, i was 16 when we meet, and am past my sell bye date.

Nothing is the same and i do not have time to try and make a new life as such, do i want one, no not really, but would like to be a bit more positive and try and enjoy the simple things like must be cause of lock down i have noticed the birds singing , heard a cuckoo yesterday and that made me smile.

Every one is so different, if i was younger, i would have to try really hard to try and make a new life. be it work, friend's, relations ships, adventures  exploring the big wide world.

For me for me that is not an option,so i get up get threw the day the best i can and go to bed, and tomorrow start all over again, have excepted that this  is the best i can expect

The old saying "You do not know what you got till it has gone" so so true, wish i had had taken more notice of it a long time ago.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Ellie, I wish I had appreciated my life before more as well. Keep fighting xx

Hi ellie68

As a a man of74 I'm sooo  well past my sell buy date LOL. Although you are much younger than me.  Ellie68 I can fully empathise with all you have shared with us. Even at my ancient age I could never form a relationship with another woman. No matter at what level. I've always been a one woman man.  My wife Anne of 50yrs marriage  is my soul mate and I'll remain faithful to the end. Like you intimate   '  Get through one day at a  time.'  ( My  beloved Anne's Saying  all her life even  to the very end till  she passed away in July last year.)  Someone in the neighbourhood has got a cockerel. He crows three times a day. I love the afternoon period when he crows whilst I'm sitting in the garden, warming myself in the sunshine under our Bramley Apple tree reading my book. Such simple pleasures.

Love and Light 

Geoff x

That made me laugh Geoff, i am only a fraction behind you, was married for 53 years but together for 56 years.

That is why i cannot see a way forward to much time has gone, so have to enjoy the cuckoo or cockerel crowing as you say the simple things.

Enjoy the rest of the day.

Ellie xx