My husband age 32 passed on 24th febuary

Hi Sammy

So sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard grieving through this covoid and with young children.

I lost my second husband at Christmas and I feel a bit stuck in my grief because if lockdown. I was going to scatter his ashes on a specific date, important to him but then couldn't. I can do it next week now but it is the wrong date, I want to set him free but then again he is still here if I don't, now I am thinking should i/ shouldn't I !! 

I take a lot of comfort in my children (now 20 and 16) and did when my first husband died too. My children were 9 and 14 then. My daughter was ok and even wrote and read a poem for her dad but my son became introverted and wouldn't talk about him. He eventually needed counseling when he was doing A levels. I think this actually helped him when Ric died. He was a huge support and now talks about both his dad and stepdad and was a huge help both practically and emotionally. 

My two give great hugs. 

Take care. We are all here.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

That's tough really tough.

I'm only a week into the mourning process myself (My partner Carla died on the 5th May) and I am still trying to find a minds eye of her that isn't in the hospital.

Most here would say time and I hope they are right, if I could offer some probably not awesome advice is to see any kind of progress in tiny increments and of course if you are like me you may still want to feel bad, sad and angry etc as a kind of tribute..

Maybe a small comfort is the kind people here?

Hi thanks for writing means a lot, it’s horrid isn’t it, lockdown came straight after his funeral pretty much not even been ble to pick his ashes up yet which is killin me also, regarding scattering them I feel same I wanted to keep them here on the fire place so he’s always with us but his family want some spreading and that it’s hard, my sons only 1 so he keeps me busy but also sends me insane during this time of lockdown because there’s just no break, I feel guilty at times because my sone sees me cry a lot these past few days, but my daughter doesn’t because she’s in her room an that. Xxx

Aww I’m sorry for your loss even fresher than mine it’s hard isn’t it, people say try block hospital part out and remember him wen he was well, but wen I was there with him 24 7 it’s sort of stuck with me how he grew to look, I don’t think I’ll ever b able to block it out, I feel so guilty aswell, he was bk an forth from the drs for a year they just kept sending him home with different tablets no one actually looked into anything until he took himself to a an e, that’s wen it all started, looking bk on pics throughout year of him I can see he looks poorly some really poorly but I was so busy looking free my 1 year old an my girl I didn’t notice how I’ll he was, I think if I look at these pics n can see he’s ill how have the drs missed it, we had a shocking ordeal throughout r journey, it’s hard to believe this can happen isn’t it xx

You will have a hard road ahead no doubt, I wouldn't worry too much if you cry in front of the kids, I'm a 56 year old war pensioner and this time thought sod it if I'm going to sob I damn well will.

My OH was 62 and a grandmother, plus she had spent nearly 4 years in Italy with me on a kind of holiday with breaks for work, so not like the cruel loss you suffered, I'm still here and when she was sick thought I'd go back to the UK but now I have decided to stay. I'm not sure if it is because Carla will be in the local cemetery in her family tomb (she was half Italian) but just because of the tons of kindness that friends and strangers have offered.

I was with Carla for 5 days as she died and that was the toughest thing of all..

Keep well and healthy as you can...I wish you  well..

Hi Sammy,

I won't lie to you: blocking out the images is hard and they tend to be in the forefront for a long time. Like you, I was with my my husband 24/7 and lived through some very traumatic experiences. I still panic when I hear someone cough because of an incident I won't bog you down with. When I wanted to go back to work I had to see the occupational doctor to get the green light to start. Of course, I was crying my heart out during the consultation and he advised me to get counselling right away. He said that I shouldn't let the trauma sink in because it tends to stay in the body, and mind, of course. At the time, none of it made sense and I didn't understand why everybody wanted to pack me off to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I was grieving and, so, it was natural to cry. But, as a doctor, he knew. I didn't listen to him and after 16 months I still break down when I think of those last months. (I did go to see someone months after but stopped after the 3rd visit.) I have to force myself to remember the good times and they do make me feel better but the images of his decline remain with me. We have seen our spouses ravaged by this awful disease so, now I want to give you the same advice as that doctor gave me. I know it's not easy now during the lockdown but do consider counselling as soon as possible. It's really mportant to talk about what we experienced in order to get it out of our systems.

Take care of yourself.

Hi Sammy

Perhaps in a while if you have the strength you should be looking into things medically. I am starting to write a complaint to the hospital because Ric's diagnosis was missed initially and then incorrect. Then we got little time and he died suddenly. I promised him I wouldn't let it go. 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have my last picture of him on Christmas Day, I look at it now and realise how I'll he was but I never really saw it that day, he died on the 28th. 

I am not looking for anything other than an apology and for the staff to think about what and how they do things! I have now no trust or faith in the hospital I trained in. It makes me sad and shocked at how poor his care was! I was once proud to have trained and worked there, now I am ashamed! 

Take care and lots of hugs from your little ones. Hope you can collect him and have him home soon.

Love and hugs Alison xxx