2 years and emotionally struggling

Hi there, wow, congratulations! Take those compliments from the university and feel proud. I can well understand your anxieties about starting your new job and, fingers crossed you may also get offered another job that may  involve less stress. If you don't, remember they chose you because you are the best. You at so right though, life at the moment is exhausting with all the added problems that just seem to manifest.. I just want to stop thinking and not be responsible for anything. But we carry on, it's what we do xx

Hi - sorry it’s taken we a while to reply, I really went to some low places the last couple of weeks but I feel like I’ve got to a slightly better situation now - I hope everybody is staying safe and allowing a bit of joy to sneak into your life - I’m finding the less I can think about things and go off instinct instead then the better I am - I’m cursed with the over thinking gene 

i really hope the right job bubbled out for you - I think we are all putting on the best front we can - if your’s secured a job then that’s really some achievement (irrespective of if you want it!) be proud

My realisation (and its very much a slow work in progress) is that the majority of my emotional struggles are down to my view of others feelings etc and a self imposed guilt and reaction that just shout out ‘guilty of not being perfect’ - I’ve spent life as a fixer of all things but that comes at a price that I can’t pay at the moment

love to you all and a massive respect for all of your successes and failures on this mystery tour

Hi SteBee

Your last paragraph depicted me to a T. My emotional struggles have always been down to my view of others feelings - or perceived feelings in my case. And defiantly a self imposed guilt of feeling  I'm not perfect enough.I have two memories that override all the good ones.Both occasions that I badly heart my darlings feelings. And even though it happened over 40yrs ago I've never been able to shake them off. And now Anne has passed they haunt me even more because I wasn't perfect enough at the time not to have let it happen. Anne forgave me decades ago but I can't forgive myself even today.I should have been perfect. I should have been the man I've always wanted to be but can never achieve it because I'm flawed as a Human being. Stay safe SteBe

Lovevand Light 

Geoff x

Dear Geoff, 

There are many memories but none of us are perfect. You sound like you've punished yourself enough hold on to Anne forgiving you take peace from that. We are all individual we hurt, we feel, there's highs and lows. We make choices but have to live with 

Take a moment of happiness with your loved one and cling to it

Remember the forgiveness xxx . 

Thank you  WifeOf26years

Of course you are right. And I'll take solace in your wise words. Bless you x

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Geoff, 

No one is perfect. We all have regrets and said and done things we wish we hadn't! Even discovered things we wish we hadn't (including both Ric and me). Anne forgave you, she must have if it was 40 years ago! 

Forget that memory and remember the good ones, I am sure there are more of those. That will make her proud and happy.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi all,

I'd been having a rough time these last two weeks. I do want to thank you for your warmth and encouragement and I also want to share some news with you.

In my last post, I spoke of the dread I was feeling about a job I'd found in a big city in France. I just couldn't imagine life there without Gilles and spent days on end just crying and worrying. My gut instinct was telling me it wasn't the right thing for me. Well, I finally got another job offer in one of the French Overseas territories - the least sexy of them all, but after speaking to the teacher I'll be replacing, it seems to be the right fit for me at this time of my life. It's a quiet place; the classes are small and there's really not much going on. The teacher even put me on to her current landlord and I should be renting a small house which is near the sea. A lot of people may turn up their noses at the choice I've made but I believe I can handle this emotionally. This place bears no memories of Gilles, although we'd spoken of going there if the opportunity arose. The funny thing is I got the appointment for the interview on his birthday, which was a Saturday, so that was unusual. In the end, "the right job bubbled out", as you so charmingly said, SteBee.

So, life goes on, differently, and we continue to make our choices that may be less than perfect but we're making them according to our circumstances and to who we are as individuals at a particular time in our lives.

Love and hugs to all.