Physical symptoms of grief.

Hi Audax,

So sorry to hear about the loss of Tracey. I'm 13 weeks into this process after loosing my darling Bob and I do think it's grief. Never in my life have I suffered a panic attack but even in our own home I feel my heart beat at double time as if it's coming out of my chest. I keep feeling faint on a regular basis also. I initially lost my apetite but that has returned although mostly for junk comfort food which is not good. I can feel myself slipping into a dark place and feel as though I am climbing a mountain to avoid this happening. Every morning I wake up and say, pull yourself together Bob would hate to see me like this.

Isolating alone at home is not helping for sure.

It is the hardest saddest thing we will ever go through and really there are no words of comfort are there apart from keep trying. Our Wedding anniversary tomorrow so preparing myself for a day when I will probably be unable to get out of bed all day but if that is what happens then so be it I will go with it.

Take care and thinking of you

Sheila 

Dear Audax

I can fully relate to what you are saying. I believe you maybe experiencing anxiety attacks. Look up the full symptoms on line my friend. Strangely it also includes dizziness and fatigue. After 9 months from losing my wife Anne I still get the occasion attacks. Last night in bed was terrible. A tight chest and heart racing on and off all night. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

I have a problem with motivation and have to make myself do things. I have three teenagers and have to cook and clean for them. So that gives me a sense of purpose.

It's good to have hobbies,but I'm struggling to motivate myself into doing them. What have you done with Bob's stuff?

Look  after yourself.

I'm on antidepressants now and they are helping.Vivid 19 isn't helping though.

Hi Audax,

Not touched Bob's stuff just can't bring myself to as it will feel real if I do, glasses and watch still by the bed, his wardrobe is a sight to behold he had thousands of £'s of designer clothes all colour co ordinated at least 60 shirts all pressed and hanging there. My boys are dying to get their hands on them but can't even consider letting them have a sort through. His shoes are still under the stairs where he left them and I like to see them there. Only draw I cleared out was his pants and socks as I wanted an extra drawer. No idea when I can even cosider doing anything with them. I go into his wardrobe and sniff or sit with his clothes and cry.

It's mad I know but I just can't as he loved his clothes and shoes. He had more than me I think.

And you?

Sheila 

Hi Audax,

I am sorry for your loss. It does sound like you are having panic attacks. I have a friend who is a palliative care nurse, I was getting panic attacks when attending Ric's hospital appointments related to previous bad experience. She told me to try panic hand technique and I used rescue remedy! It really helped. Might be worth a Google. Ric had PTSD and CBT oil helped. I have heard a lot of great results from it.

 Let your teens keep you going. My children 20 and 16) keep me going. 

Hobbies will return. I do anything to keep me busy, my coping mechanism! But my concentration is not great! 

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Me too mate Audax, 

40mg tablet of Citalopram a day for clinical depression. All my darling Anne's clothes in the wardrobe  and her personal femanine items in her bedroom draws will remain there untill I pass over. My view is that all the time Anne's things are there she is still a part of our house. Maybe not physically but spiritually. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Tracey spent the last year paralysed and we had a lot of medical equipment here ;that was easy to get  rid of. Some of her clothes went to her sister,who is the same size and finds it a comfort.

Her jewelry is in our daughter's care. However they're some things I will never get rid off. Mobile phone ,kindle etc... I'm going to make a memory box up of all the things that she loved.

Audax I have two memory boxes, one be side Ric had a lovely wooden box already that he had some of his previous things in and two because a friend made me a beautiful one with his regimental badge etched on it as a gift when he died. All his things like his mobile and watch and baccy pouch are in it. I have a shelf in my wardrobe which is Ric's shelf. I kept his fav jeans and t-shirts, boots and his wedding suit. All other clothes went to charity away from my home. I have a couple of mementos and photos out. I still check his FB account on his tablet and sometimes message him. Silly I know. His children had some of his belongings. I only kept our favourite DVDs and CDs, the rest I send to charity. I have one of his guitar and banjo but the other guitars I let his son have. 

I have a couple of boxes at my dad's of I don't know what to do with!!! And a box or two to sort in my garage! A plan for this week's holiday! It takes a long time to do it all. 

Your memory box will be a great comfort

Love and hugs Alison xxx

The mobile phone has all our text messages on it so that's important. Most of the messages are trivial,but strangely it's the trivial stuff I miss the most.