Widowhood

Hi Audax,

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife. I lost my Bob on 17th January 2020 after a 9 month battle with Cancer of the Unknown Primary. I nursed him alone at home and he died in our Bed in my arms just the 2 of us. His death was not peaceful as you see in films he fought it to the bitter end but he found an inner stregnth about an hour before he died to roll over and give me the biggest hug he could manage and i will never forget this. Luckily i don't have dreams about the last few aweful days and actually when i remember him its as the super strong fit and healthy beautiful man he was and not the very thin cancer ravaged man he became.

I am now isolating alone even though i have a big family very close by that i can't see or hug and i'm really struggling with the added grief i'm going through. O do try and keep structured and busy but it all seems pointless and i keep having breakdowns and hours of sobbing. I cuddle his ashes at night, talk to his picture, wrap myself in a shirt that smells of him and nothing has been moved, glasses and watch still by the bed, shoes where he left them it is like time has stood still and i just go through the actions that need to be done to get me through the day.

It's just so bloody hard but i use this platform to talk to others all going through the same as us and it gives me something to do and gives me comfort and support and for that i am grateful.

Keep posting and expressing your thoughts and tell everyone if you have a good day or a really bad day.

Thinking of you and keep putting one foot in front of the other

Sheila

Sorry for your loss Sheila,I find it hard to motivate myself,but I still have four kids here;the youngest 14 the eldest 23.

I do everything in a automatic mode and follow a routine. I have got rid of a lot of Tracey's stuff now. However there are some things I can't let go.

I tried going out to make friends and to reach out to others but Covid 19 has put paid to that.Sometimes I think I'm going mad.