Grieving before they've gone?

Hi

I'm so sorry to read about your partner's diagnosis but glad to know she is getting really good care.

That is so important for the patient and for us, it does give us time to talk and just be together. 

I think alot of us struggle with how to live without our other halves and it's common to not look too far ahead. Hour by hour, day by day is far enough to contemplate. For now just be together you will find a way and do your best for her.

Take care 

Thank you for the kind words, I know we have some tricky days ahead but I suppose it's a destination none of us can avoid!

My husband passed away 2 years ago and I often take comfort knowing we did our best for him.

At the time it often felt like a nightmare, spending days at the hospice watching him and sadly knowing tomorrow was going to be harder. But I'm proud of us, our 3 children were 21, 18 and 12 and we totally made the best of it. Our son had his 18th in the hospice, his Dad gave him his first legal beer. Happy memories at an incredibly sad time. 

Please know we are all at different places on this journey but we all understand how you are feeling, and someone is always here. It's nice to feel not alone.

Wow that's tough, I think my OH has had a god life, she has two sons four grandchildren and has spent the last four years here in Italy with me travelling around staying a year here and a year there, (she is half Italian) Our first year was spent mostly on the beaches of Southern Italy swimming in crystal clear waters and spending too much of our house fund! subsequent years have also been great but I had to work albeit part time.

But I still long for just a bit more time, but your situation was obviously many times worse than ours and it's nice to see that we do come out the other side!

Thank you for your kind words, my situation is just that. No worse or better than others. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but you are correct, some how we are 2 years on.

We have had holidays, got a dog, new cars alot of things I've had to navigate on my own but here we are. I am sad my husband only got 47 years but I see him in our children and I know he would be proud of us all.

Take care 

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear your news. It must be a very difficult time right now. And, according to my experience, it is very possible that the grieving process has already started, something we call anticipatory grief, where we grieve for the loss of a loved one while they are still here. It is something that I went through when we realised that my husband had to do chemotherapy and didn't have long to live. Please keep posting here.

Sadly Carla died on the 5th of this month,  I was fortunate to be permitted to be with her for the last five days of her life. It wasn't pretty but she was not in pain and was warm and comfy.

I cannot describe how I feel and just exist from hour to hour in some ways it's fortunate she didn't leave a will as getting all the admin done keeps me busy.

I want her back and I want her back whole and that cannot be.

I'm so sorry to read this.

I am glad for you both that you were allowed to be together for those 5 days.

I think most of us cope hour by hour, just doing what cannot wait, but please try and rest and look after yourself. 

What a lovely name Carla is 

Thank you, I do get a wee bit worried my own behaviour is getting a bit weird though. Maybe its being isolated here alone..

morning mccmcc I'm so sorry your Carla has passed from this world god bless her soul my friend nobody can say how our emotions will be at these sad times each of us hurt so much with our loss . Hope you find some peace .