1 week

Thank you Ali. I will do my best but as the time is getting on I keep getting teary and nervous. He'll be home 1ish then the journey to the cemetery for 1.30. I keep taking deep breaths and bachs rescue remedy!  Yes the forecast is good.  Xx

We laid Colin to rest yesterday. The day went well. We walked behind the hearse to the graveside and I gave everyone a red rose to put into grave after he was lowered in. What a wonderful world then a short eulogy then Forever Love by Gary Barlow. It was a nice day in a strange way,  sleep well my honey xxxx

Our funeral is on Tuesday at 11.30. No burial, he wanted to be cremated, so be it! We can only have 10 mourners but Neil had already planned his memorial service, that is going to be the real celebration of his life. My son and daughters visited their dad in the funeral home with me and we all cried. At least his pain and suffering was weeks not months or years. Far better for him far worse for us. Oh I do miss him! 

I feel your pain. I had a moment tonight where I  just really really really missed Colin so much. There were friends at a distance in the cemetery and they weren't moved on by any1. We hugged after the short service, my sister, his neice and nephew, even his ex-wife! We weren't allowed to see him once he went to the funeral directors, nor take a suit and tie for him to wear. It's a good job he said he wanted yo be buried cos I would of had him cremated - I'm good with that now - we have somewhere to go. Tuesday will go well, I'm sure, you will be strong for everyone there and them for you too. Sending you virtual hugs xxx Sandra D xx 

Hi Smaggie hope you're ok x

Hi Smaggie hope you're ok x

1 week has turned into 30 days. OMW!!   I'm telling myself he is at work and will be home 4/5 ish. Then I  tell myself he's  late because of traffic- then he's gone to see Darlington play. How many more excuses can I make up why he's not ciming home?   This denial is doing my head in! Life is a bitch as they  say  x

Hi Bootsy

• I still have those thoughts to and it is coming up for seven months for me. None of it seems real, it never really happened, but then reality kids in and realize it did.
• It is so hard at times but it is also sightly easier than it was at the beginning . of this journey and that is what i call it.

The lock down is not helping but hopefully will not be much longer. I just need a hug from my kids, that is the next best thing to their dad.

Have cut the grass today so i think he will be pleased, have more exercise now than i have ever had.

You take care and stay safe.

Ellie x

Hi BootsyD

It’s perfectly normal to go through denial, I did exactly the same and I do believe it’s your mind telling you that’s all you can cope with initially so that’s absolutely fine.

We are in a roller coaster, in time when you are ready snippets of reality will set in. We are always going to have good and bad days.

Go with what your feeling, if denial is getting you through right now then that’s good enough. One day at a time, we are all here for you any time.

much love

Karen