Grief, new and ongoing!

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Hello all,

I am absolutely gutted for my friend who lost his husband last week (only found out today).

I am nearly 16 months on. It is so raw for him but also, the rawness came back to me today out of the blue. It was heart breaking to hear him being so heartbroken, I cried with him.

Urghh……..Grief is so isolating without being in isolation!

However, I would like to say is that you can have a lot people around you and still feel very lonely. I for one am grateful for this site, as everyone here understands what you are going through.

I have lately visited the site on an ad hoc basis. I don’t contribute as much as I did in the early days but, I guess like many others, do continue to read most posts.

It somehow makes you feel less lonely…..because you are not alone x

I wish I could go and see my friend and give him a tight hug, at least. For now, I have to settle with the thought of one big fat virtual group hug here.

With lots love,

Dutsie Xx

Akela2516 over 4 years ago

Hi Dutsie,

Sorry to hear this. It is a difficult time for your friend but stay in touch.

My friend lost her husband in October, not through cancer but suddenly too. We are about the same age with similar husband's, both ex services so we have been a huge support to each other..

You can be there for each other.

Big hug Alison xxx

Dutsie over 4 years ago in reply to Akela2516

Hi Alison,

Thank you for your message. I am pleased to hear you have found support, in person, with someone that understands, albeit under sad circumstances. It can make such a difference. I am sorry to learn of your loss

I will stay in touch because I know how much it meant to me in the early days when people were there for me. Just being there and the gestures were all greatly appreciated, especially as time went by.

Its just such a surreal time, under normal circumstances I would arrange to meet up now. My friend, like me, is now living alone but I had the benefit of meeting up with friends and family in the early days. So heart goes out to all those that have recently had a loss more so.

Your are right I can be there for him, using technology for now. I will let him know about this supportive community as his husband had cancer too. I am comforted to know his neighbours are taking care of him from a distance and leaving food for him (although understandably he has no appetite at the moment).

Night night,

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

MelanieL over 4 years ago

Yes I know what you mean. The grief can come back in waves when we least expect it and often when we hear about somebody else who is going through a similar experience. I am sorry for the loss that your friend has to go through and, yes, it is very sad that you cannot be physically there right now. Love and hugs

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.

Dutsie over 4 years ago in reply to MelanieL

Thank you Mel.

Indeed it does!

Hope you and your family are keeping well in Germany. Part of me wishes I went down South to be with my family but my work is here just outside London.

Decided not to go into work today and am sitting in my garden instead; enjoying the sunny day whilst making a few work related calls.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

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