Grief in isolation

Hell yes!!!!!!!!!!

11 weeks since I lost my darling Bob and like you isolating alone with a big family that I can’t see at the time I need a hug more than any time in my life. Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed listened to music cuddling his ashes and sobbing uncontrollably. I’m sad and lonely and struggle every day, too much time to think, worry and remember the amazing times we had together and the future that we should have has and has been taken away from us. I cry every day.

i do get through every day taking it hour at a time. I am surprising myself at new skills I’m learning to do but then feel bad that I’m getting on without him. I worrry about how I will manage on my own financially as we never had mortgage protection or life insurance as just never thought this would happen to me.

Nothing seems to mean anything to me now and this situation has made everything worse if it could be any worse. Life is shit.

Hope this makes you feel you are not alone in your feelings.

sheila x

hello shonzie my heart goes out to you today I'm so sorry for your loss and the heart ache you must be feeling I'm sure you will find comfort on this site here . Its been over a year since my love was taken away from me and I find it so difficult most of the time I cant believe how much time has passed and I'm still begging her just come back please . Its just so painful losing our loved ones . Please take care and keep the love always .

It does Sheila. So sorry you are having to go through this as well. They say time is a healer but how much time? I am sending you virtual hugs xx

Hi Shonzie, 

I am sorry to hear about your sudden loss. I understand your feelings as I myself lost my husband very suddenly. He was diagnosed on 5th July 2019 and passed away on 21st July 2019. He was never offered a treatment, only pain control. Before that, we thought, he was a healthy and fit man. This lockdown is not helping to any of us, especially when we are longing for a hug and someone, we can lean our head on their shoulder to eas our pain. 

I trully feel for you. I wish, I could say something to cheer you up. If you need to cry, then don't hold it back. Let it out. Don't let it pile up. If you post on this forum, there are amazing people here, who will reply to you and will lift your spirit. You will see, there is so many of us in the same boat. 

I am at home doing some gardening, but its not same anymore. Everything is reminding me my husband as we always did everything together.

Be strong and take little steps. If you have family and friends, ring them. Or you could ring the Macmillam support line. 

Sending you a big bear hug. 

Love

Andrea xxx

Hi Shonzie, 

My husband also died suddenly at home. No warning. Diagnosed end of September and died end of December. No where near the year + he was told!!! 

You have to get over the shock first and I just kept busy because I didn't know how else to deal with it! Took hardly any time off work! 

Now I feel cheated that he never did any of his bucket list and I was not there to hold his hand as promised or say goodbye! 

I am really sorry for your loss. It is an awful thing to happen at the best of times but this makes it all a lot harder. Take one day at a time.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Shonzie, it is so sad. Sorry for your loss. Cancer just seems to creep up on you. By the time you find out, it's already firmly lodged. My husband died of lung cancer. When we found out, it had already spread to his brain. Won't go into all the dreary details but at the time, he said he'd never felt healthier. It's like a nasty joke.

This is a hard time to be alone. I hope you'll be able to talk to family and friends on the phone or Skype. There's nothing like physical contact, somebody holding you and adding a little bit of softness in your life but any form of communication will help, I'm sure.

Take things slowly and take care of yourself.

Sending you a nice, tight hug.

I am so sorry for your loss and this is such a hard time to be on your own. I wasn't able to do it any longer last week and travelled on one of the last flights from Ireland to Germany to be with my family. I hope you have family and friends or colleagues you can talk to on the phone or on WhatsApp or Skype. Now more than ever it is important that we stay in touch with each other.

Hi Limbo, Thank you for replying. Bill has no idea what was happening as lost all sense of reality 4 days after diagnosis. I lost him then as his personality changed as did his memory. He was like someone with dementia ️ 

I am keeping busy and yes I am keeping up with family on What’s app but not the same. I just need a cuddle

Funnily enough I’ve just messaged my children saying all I need is a cuddle as verging on a complete meltdown from grief and loneliness and can’t see an end to this lockdown. Every little thing is heightened and I’m struggling to cope with everyday things such as work situation. Everyone tells me I’m doing well but they don’t see me sitting cuddling my Bobs ashes begging for him back.

i am trying to structure my day, workout, some work, cleaning or gardening, a run another work out tea and crappy tv then bed in the early hours and cry myself to sleep.

life is hell on Earth at the moment. I’m lost sad and alone.

sheila x 

So sorry you are feeling so lonely. I feel for you as know exactly how you feel. This virus has made even a hard time even harder. 
please message me on here if struggling as it’s good to know you are not the only one feeling like this. 

Shona