I lost my husband Clive on the 28th February. He was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma in May 2018. He was 54 on the 2nd of February. He became so ill in October. After battling with the local hospital...he was having treatment at another day hospital, in another district..for someone to listen and investigate why he was so so ill, he was eventually transferred to the main hospital haematology Ward. It was traumatic. So so hard for me to deal with. We are English, living now in Italy.
He fought so hard. He had his stem cells collected the week before Christmas. That was so hard on his body getting through that. We managed to get home from hospital on Christmas Eve. But the lymphoma just didn’t respond to the chemo. By the time the doctors realised, his lymphoma in his stomach was pushing on his bowel. He wasn’t well enough for surgery. They tried a different chemo, it worked and the lymphoma reduced. But, it was all too late. He developed sepsis. He fought and fought. I was holding his hand when he finally went. I’m so very sad for him.
Yesterday, it’s been 4 weeks. Everything is a blur. We have dogs. They get me up and out. I have no motivation as yet to get on with anything. The lockdown and solitude is a godsend for me. I do have friends and family ringing and keeping contact regularly.
I find myself with a feeling that I am waiting. I’m not sure for what. Is it for him just to suddenly appear, or for life to give me direction. I just don’t know.
The grief and despair is just so overwhelming at times.
Denise
