WHAT TO DO WITH MY HUSBANDS ASHES - IDEAS PLEASE

I had a little plot at the crematorium a rose bush in the middle and a place for 3more urns also have a pendant with some ash in which I wear all the time a little piece of her with me it might not work for you but I do have some place to go and chat to her

Hello Sheila my Mum passed away last year and had never told us her wishes for burial/cremation etc so between my Stepfather/my brother and myself we had to make a decision. So we decided on cremation. I told my Stepfather my Mum would probably have wished to be wherever he was planning to be but felt that it would also be good to have a plaque/somewhere to put flowers in the churchyard. We discovered that you can now only have a plaque in the churchyard if the ashes are buried there. My stepfather was disappointed because he wanted his ashes scattered on the farm & a plaque in the churchyard so it seems red tape will prevent this! I had no idea it was so complicated. A colleague told me that a relative had requested their remains be scattered in a local public park but subsequently discovered they needed special.permission to do this. So, what I'm trying to say in a rather long winded way is it"s probably best to ask the undertakers/the authorities about the red tape before you scatter the ashes just in case you inadvertently break the law. Give yourself time to think and grieve though - my Mum's funeral was in the October and we didn"t bury the ashes until the following July as it was the only time we could all gather to do this; it was quite cathartuc to have another small ceremony & it feels better to have somewhere to put flowers but give yourself time. What do you think your husband would have wanted? It did cost more money to bury the ashes in the churchyard but my Mum's sister still lives locally and I think it comforts her to be able to put flowers there. Give yourself more time to think and grieve.

Dear Sheila,

My husband's wishes were to be scattered in our garden. I could not do that as I also felt I was not sure if I would continue living in our home.

So I purchased a very large nice pot and scattered his ashes in that. We got married shortly after his terminal diagnosis and his son gave us a rose bush for our wedding which I have planted.

That way if I did move (which incidently I have not some 15 months on) I could take with me. So, I have honoured my husband's wishes of being in the garden in my own way. On difficult days I do go down to the garden and have a little chat, which I find comforting.

Having said that it took me 6 months to actually getting round to doing it, ensuring my stepson was there with me and also comfortable with my decision. So take your time and do what feels right for you. It really is a personal choice.

For me it was made easier, as I knew what my husband wanted. 

In the interim, do take card of yourself.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

My husband wanted to go in his regimental memorial wall in Preston! It was supposed to cost £100. On enquiry I found that there is no space left in the wall and he would be the first in the ground in front of the wall, cost now £600!.

Ric was a southern man, he grew up as the son of an army major and did his junior and tank driver training in Bovington. He once showed me his favourite tank close to where he lived, grew up and got married to his first wife. We used a photo on his order of service next to that tank. So I am going to scatter him there along with some ashes of his mum and dad. He desperately wanted to attend his regiment reunion at the start of April but has sadly not made it so I am going to do it that weekend to set him free and back to his beloved army.

I have a small pot of ashes that has his army dog tags and a necklace I bought for him engraved with a message ' always with you' because I couldn't go to every treatment so that is going in our garden next to the summer house he built with his favourite angel garden ornament over it. 

He is currently sat in the summer house because I can't quite deal with his ashes inside. But he loved it there. I only brought him home on Friday and it does feel right and I am pleased I changed my mind. Strangely I think I may also have felt him tweaking my hair, like he approves. 

Love Alison xxx

Hi Alison, 

It sounds a lovely idea what you are thinking.  I hope the weather shines on you for the day. Xx

Hi Sheila, 

Theres a lot of different things you can do. My stepdaughter and I had jewellery made, a ring for me and a mum necklace for her, with a small amount of Belles ashes sealed with any colour of resin and diamond dust.. We had a urn box made with our favourite photo of her sitting on rocks at Folkestone and our words to her and the rest are in the box from the cremation by her bedside, her fav place. See the website Cherished Urns.com

Hi Sheila 

I agree what you’ve got in mind sounds lovely & most importantly it’s what feels right for you. 
Just to second what DJaxster said, theres some wonderful commemorative jewellery you can have made- Ashes into glass is also worth a look on their website. 

Sarah xx

Thank you. I hope the sun shines on him too. Strangely on the day of his funeral it was a nice sunny day, he wanted a small service in the garden which we did. It was drybsll day but the days either side it absolutely tipped down!!! 

Xxx

My husband was cremated locally but, as he requested ,l took his ashes back up north to his home city. We asked the Crematorium where his fathers ashes had been scattered 15 years ago and put his in the same place.  Our children attended the full funeral locally but could not deal with a second ceremony. I have a record of where their fathers ashes were because of their grandfathers records. In future ,they may want to know.

Hi, 

I don't think you can rush this decision, it's got to feel right and I know personally the cremation company my husband chose didn't rush me. He had control of cremation but said afterwards was up to me. 

Having lost my Dad and husband within months of each other we finally felt internment was right but left it til better weather for travel and memories (north to south trip and organising transport) both companies brilliant with help.

I know where he is and my daughter too but what's more for me was he's with his mum and Dad's with my sister, all one plot. A few years ago my aunt passed and we interned her with her brother, they were so close in life.

Scattering varies hugely so do double check. I hope you feel at peace with whatever choice you make xxx