WOKE UP FEELING DIFFERENT

Well done Shelia. That is a great attitude. I feel the same, it is not taking me too and I am too young at 52 to not live! I have lost two husband's, my first died at 49 of COPD and a heart attack. I owe it to Ric to keep going and prove that he was let down by the hospital! And I will get them to admit their mistakes! 

It would have been Ric's 61st birthday and he should have seen it. It was 9 weeks yesterday since I lost him. I am feeling good today too. I bought my lovers knot ring as a birthday present and have baked his birthday cake. My son says light the candles mum and see if he blows them out! He does not believe in spirits. I think he has lost two " dad's" and says he can't believe now! But he does appreciate it helps me. 

So on with a normal day with a special twist. I was going to put the last of his belongings in the cupboard, I have a beautiful memory box. Some things are out, like his special ornaments and there is a box of extra special things left! But I have all week to do that. I do need to move forward a little more. But me time next week! New kitchen floor tomorrow! 

Love to you Shelia. Keep strong lovely lady xxx

Dear Akela2516

Reading your post makes me feel most humble. At such a young age you have suffered so much. Thank goodness you have a son to give you support. My goodness I so admire your strength and resolve. Bless you. 

Love and Light 

Geoff

Thank you Geoff. I am probably strong because I have had to be! I am also fortunate in that the career path I chose as a nurse has helped. 

Yes I have had more than my fair share of poop in my life but then also blessed with two men to love and cherish although after this time, I think that is it for me! Loss is not a new thing, we lost my first mother in.law tragically when I was 18, a fresh student nurse, just engaged and I had to be the strong one then, I lost my beautiful nans, both very close and grandads and two very good friends, one to breast cancer. My uncle passed three years ago in a very similar way to Ric with lung cancer. 

I am very lucky to have two fantastic children both have kept me going and the best man in my life is my Dad who is always there both emotionally and practically and my mum who listens! 

So although I have had a lot of loss I have a fantastic family and great friends and work colleagues. It has helped hugely..

I am now enjoying a glass of wine having had a little celebration of what would have been Ric's birthday. Cheers to him and you. Keep ploughing forward xxx

Hi Sheila,

Wow that was such a positive post and shows such a positive attitude. And you know what? You will probably, like most of us on here, go back and forth between being positive and then grieving so deeply again that it seems like there will never be a bright and happy day again followed by a positive time again. That is this up and down we are all going through. But keep your post and read it again, particularly when you feel very low, because it is such a brilliant post and wonderful attitude.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mel,

you are so right I think that lasted until Monday and Tuesday it hit me again, straight in the face and back to square one. On the verge of or tearful day and night and can’t seem to find my positivity again. Not going to bed until 1ish and eating junk food again I just can’t seem to hold it together. As I work full time it’s hard as I can’t concentrate and I’m tired. Gave myself a talking to today or should I say stood in front of my Bobs photo and told him I would try harder. I’ve for the first time ever put a stew in the slow cooker mind you it’s common knowledge I can burn water and the stew is resembling a pot of this but I’m trying. I am going to spin tonight in an attempt to finish myself off!

This grieving process is beyond hard isn’t it!

Thanks for replying this site is keeping me going.

Sheila x

Hi all, 

Thought I was doing ok but had a restful day today and had some lunch in a cafe! Suddenly felt really tearful, no real reason for it! 

So I finished up and went to do some shopping! Guess I am just not ready to stop being busy yet! 

Alison xxx

Hi Alison I'm nearly 10 months now and lots of day I'm OK ish but some days are still very hard and tearful even at work it's just seems to get you when you least expect it 

Hi Sheila

You are probably tired of hearing people say this, but 6 weeks is still early days yet. Grief is like an emotional rollercoaster, and the mood swings do knock you sideways.  This is one of the biggest stresses we can experience.  It is exhausting and the mind goes all over the place.  Hold on to the fact that now you experienced a better mood a few days ago, when your energy was stronger and you felt more resolute.  You now know that it is possible for you to feel positive and better.  It is still in you to feel that way.  The positivity hasn't gone forever, and it will be back.  I don't think you are back to square one.  To me it is more like a spiral - we travel round and round but outwards and away from the darkness of where we started.

Encourage yourself rather than being hard on yourself. So what if you eat junk food for a while!  As people have said to me many times: Baby steps.  Take on a bit at a time.

It is unbelievably hard and I feel for you. I've been going through grief too, for 14 weeks now.

Thank you Ian. Just really missed him today. I am on annual leave first time I have really had time off since he went at Christmas. It would have been his birthday week and usually we would be going out on day trips! I am trying to do things but it is not quite right alone. I have lots of friends but I am not really in the mood for them this week. But I feel alone. My best mate isn't here! 

I will get through it. Just a little blip xxx

Ahh Akela,

I know how you feel, sometimes alone time is worse but I find I just want to be alone with my thoughts. Everything is an effort and seems meaningless without my Bob. I have nothing to plan for or get excited about. We used to plan holidays and weekends away and nights out - that’s all been taken away. I used to work and these things were my reward. Now I have to work to pay the mortgage and bills on even a house that I think, what’s the point of this without him in it. My life feels empty and black but I keep putting one foot in front of the other every day.

God it’s so bloody hard but then everyone on this site knows how RBI’s feels.

sheila