I think its time to move forward

Sarah May your treasured memories continue to bring comfort to you each day and you maintain the strength to keep going for yourself, your children and extended family xxxx

Thankyou Jackie

Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone it helps enormously to have the opportunity to discuss things with others here, I get a lot of comfort from it. 
wishing you peace & strength in the hard times 

Sarah xx

That’s why I’ve joined due to hubby suffering he’s had 10 months treatment and still unsure of future but it’s good to know others are experiencing similar things x

Just read down this thread and makes me sad, gives me hope, makes me realise I’m not alone in the world with this debilitating grief. I lost my darling Bob just 7 weeks ago he was 64 and suffered ‘this terrible disease called cancer for 9 months. He needed to go in the end and died at home in my arms in bed just the 2;of us and it was dreadful.

it has floored me the utter grief. I can’t eat, apart from junk food in the early hours of the morning because I can’t sleep.nim back at work but can’t concentrate. Life,nether house,W Orkney all seem meaningless. Last Sunday I said I needed to get a grip and I did for a couple of days then back to square one. I know I will be making bob sad when he looks down on me a snivelling wreck.

dont get me wrong I function, I get up and dressed and put on a brave face to be told I’m doing marvellous but people don’t see me behind my front door. 

ive got my 20 month old granddaughter sleeping over this weekend,nthats andisreacion for sure and I should sleep as she has worn me out. I just miss him so much,nour chats, our brew in bed in the morning, our planning out future and our holidays and all that has been taken away from me. I just sob “bring him back please bring him back to me.

will it ever get any easier it’s just exhausting!

i know I’m not alone in this journey but it’s just putting one foot in front of the other isn’t it

thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

Hi sheilaj. It’s 4 months today since my husband died. I have gotten past the please bring him back. He is never coming back. I’d like to think I’ll see him again one day but I’m not sure about that either. Life is pretty shit without him but it’s the only life I have now. I make plans to go on singles holidays and pretend I’m brave enough to go to places and theatres on my own but haven’t quite got there yet. I met a friend the other day whose husband has dementia and she was grieving for the loss of him while he was still there. I wasn’t sure whether I should feel lucky my husband had gone. He would have hated dementia. All I know is this is the hand I have been dealt and I need to get on with it. Watching Rory playing golf on tv helps get through the next few hours and that will do for now. Look after yourself and have some kind of hope xxxxx

Hi you sound so much like the way I feel 6 months come tues since I lost my hubby ..he had so much hope he would come through this a long 2 year battle ..I still think at times he is in hospital and will come home ..whichfull thinking .

you said about dementia my Dad had this same time as hubby was ill ..I would go from one city to others city when both in hospital and help look after my Dad  when hubby was doing not to bad .

My Dad passed 5 weeks befor my hubby ..one week after losing Dad was in other  hospital with hubby getting told things where bad with him ...could not believe and still don't that the 2men that I loved so much in my life where taken from me in matter of 5 weeks ..

i like to think I have one of them on each shoulder looking after me .x

I've just read through this thread and it's like reading my life story.

I also have teenagers at home and have tried so hard to keep everything the same for them, but it is exhausting. I simply can't work my hours, do all my household jobs and Mark's too. I feel I'm failing at every turn.

I have been away this week with a friend and all my friends/family think I'm doing so well and being so brave going away. "I am getting over it!!!"

On the whole it's been a good week, we have had some laughs, drank too much sangria and even been chatted up! But one day as we were sunbathing by the pool the grief of missing Mark completely overwhelmed me and tears were pouring down my face. I went to my room, had a good cry, talked to his photo then washed my face and went back to pool.

I also had a love lock engraved with our names and put it in his favourite place looking out to sea from the harbour,  another emotional day.

Today though I have been a mess, I go home tomorrow and I think I could almost fool myself that Mark was at home. Whenever I went away without him he always picked me up from airport/train station and I know that when I get back he won't be picking me up and I've got to go back to that horrible life that I hate.

I've missed home and I I've missed my kids and little dog terribly but I think I'm expecting him to be there. Does that make any sense?

If it wasn't for my kids I don't think I'd bother going home.

Ali x

Good to hear you enjoyed yourself, Ali. Of course, there were sad moments. I think there will always be now, even when we're in good company and in a nice place but we need a reprieve to take our minds off things for a while.

The first time I went to visit my parents (who live abroad) and came back home and there was no-one to pick me up at the airport was horrendous. When I was  at my parents' , I used to call my husband every other day or he would call me. Last summer, there was nobody to call. I don't really know where this grief is taking me. Today I got a flat tyre. Well, I'll leave you to imagine the dilemma that caused. Should I ask a neighbour, phone a colleague, assistance, pay a load of money for such a small thing, etc, etc.

Everyone's going on about the Corona virus. My sister in Canada was telling me about all the supplies she's bought and what everyone is doing. I feel so cut off from it all. I don't care, in fact.

I know Gilles wouldn't want me to be so sad but I'm not letting myself feel guilty about that one. That comes with loving him; there's no way around that one. Before he was ill, he used to tell me, "When I'm gone, you should marry this one or that one." What a joke! I do have my fun days and normal days but there's always a moment when things resurface and a little cloud of sadness appears. Thursday was a bank holiday here and I spent the day at the beach with a friend. We chatted, had a nice lunch, laughed but once home, there was just something missing. Oh well...

This post has neither head nor tail. Just needed to write after the tyre incident, which isn't quite over yet.