Losing my idenity

Rolf.

I read your post and your bio, how similar are our early lifes.

I met Amanda at 14, not at school but by 15 we became best friends, we did almost everything together, at 17 we became a couple and married like you when she was 21. Married 46 years.

I feel your pain, and yes for sure losing my soulmate and best friend has taken part of me with her.

I'm 7 months into the life non of us would have chosen, I know you will be feeling everything in your post, it is so hard, there is no easy way. Like me I'm sure after such a long life together, from an early age, it feels like there is no future. I cant say it will get better or when it might. Some things have changed for me, but it was months before anything really felt slightly better.

Just wanted to say I and others on here understand where you are, time alone will change you, I cant say how but for me the grief hasn't changed but my anger has mellowed.

In the early days just get by day by day, i felt like you nothing mattered, the one important person in my life had gone so what's the point. I didn't do much for months cried a lot, thought i would never want to do anything, but I've had 2 things that have helped me. Looking after my young grandson, has given me purpose. And ive picked up an old hobby, didn't think I could but it gets me out, I've met new people, I have some purpose now, I miss her so much every day, but my half life, has become the life I now have.

It takes time were all different, we have all been in the pit of dispare, we all react differently, at some point a kind of acceptance will kick in and life may become a bit more tolerable. Each of us will be different but I hope you find some peace.

Gary

Dear Rolf

I can fully empathise with your feelings. I'm just over 7 months from losing my Anne and I've gradually and naturally drifted into being part zombe. Like you my greatest hobby fishing has become the occasional thing I do but simply to get out of the house as I'm retired. It's seems the only time a part of the 'Old Geoff' appears is when I'm in company as like us all the ' I'm OK mask' is put on along with the laughs.  But all Im doing is wearing the make up of a clown masking the sadness and tears beneath. Dear Rolf I have no answer to any of this  purgatory only to say the the emotional  numbness becomes more efficient as the months progress.A kind of recognition that this is it forever so get on with it. Like the pain gets stuffed down a mental rabbit hole appearing less frequently  but all too often out of the blue when it does. 

Love and Light 

Geoff