Am I alone with this thought if I had a diagnosis that I had a short time to live I don't think I would be unhappy at this I'm just wondering if everyone thinks that way
FormerMember
Dear Ian
If I had a diagnosis that I had a short time to live I would welcome it. In fact I've told both our children, who are in their forties, that should I be diagnosed with any form of cancer I will refuse treatment and just let nature take its course as did their mum, my brave darling Anne, when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer aged 71, But admittedly I am 74 and have had a good life with no 'bucket list' laying in the wings. For me any meaningful life ended the day Anne passed and as I said to our children ' You may want me in your lives but you don't need me.' They may sound rather harsh but both of them can see exactly where I'm comming from.
I am not sure how to answer this, and i really do not want to upset any one that is the last thing i would want to do.
I was diagnosed in March 2016 incurable from the start stage 4 Lung Cancer, my hubby was by my side every step of the way treatment every three weeks for nearly three years. He got diagnosed four days before i finished treatment, and all he wanted was to stay here with his family, He passed 8 months later, but he said to me, keep going girl you can do this, so no, i am still fighting because that is what he wanted, ct scan results yesterday see you in three months.
We where married 53 years and like every one here i am lost, empty, broken in half, my heart has been ripped out, so i will carry on fighting because life is precious and this is what he wanted, so even though he is not here i will keep strong and make him prod that i have found the strength for two journeys i am taking.
Thank you Ellie I was just asking to see if others were of the same mind or that I was the odd one out so to say I to have cancer and I was half way through treatment when my wife passed I promised her I would finish my treatment which I did she couldn't speak at the end the pain was to much but
No I would be terrified as got a 17 year old son he would be on his own after loosing his Dad othe day after his birthday last September ...I miss my hubby so much met him when I was 16 now 57 but I know he would want me to fight to stay to look after our son x
I live in London and started to work 2,5 months after my Danny died. On the one of my long tube journeys to work, I sat next to this young lad, with a big rucksack between his legs. Suddenly, he started to behave very restless, checking his pockets, moving his rucksack, and at this moment I thought to myself- wouldn’t be just good if he was a terrorist, just blows the bloody thing up and finish it all. He would do me a favour. I was in pain, I suffered and didn’t see any point of going on without Danny by my side. I just sat there, waiting. A few stops later, the guy took his rucksack and got off.
At this point, I remember feeling so ashamed, how could I ever think of him that way? What possessed me, am I going crazy?
And then I realised, it is only a survival quilt that completely overwhelmed me. We all feel that. But then, it is not my fault that Danny got this terrible illness and died. Each and every single of us would do anything to bring our loved ones back. But we can’t. And if things were the other way around they would feel the same.
If I died, I wouldn’t like my Danny to get some horrible illness and go soon after me. I would’ve liked him to find a way to cope and enjoy the life again. Not sure about another woman though, but being dead it wouldn’t matter to me that much, I guess.
The point that I want to make is that there is some parallel between grief and depression. Grieving and depressed people are so absorbed with their own pain and there is no much consideration about anything else. Only what matters to us is what we feel, and rightly so. Nobody else could feel what we do.
But I wouldn’t like anyone to experience the pain of this magnitude that I’m still feeling 6 months later. If I get some horrible illness and get terminally ill, my mum would be devastated. I do not want anyone close to me to experience the pain I’m going through. I don’t want that to happen to them.
Our life might be defined by those who we loved the most but we’re individuals, our own people, we still kept our own individualities to keep us going.
I also feel that Danny wouldn’t like me to give up that easily. He would like me to keep going for both of us. At least, as long as I’m here he will be here too, It brings me some comfort thinking about him being always in my heart and memories. This is why I can’t die as yet.
Dalia xx
I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
