Lost

It's a long hard road and nobody wants to be here it will get less intense and painfull as time goes by I found it helps to read how other people are coping with it and posting on here seems to help to wish I could say something to make it go away 

Dear Mabelmum (I have a cat called Mabel!)

You are never wingeing on here. It is so hard this grieving. It is 11 weeks today since I lost my husband and if you asked me last week I would have said I was having more good days than bad but this week has been awful. 

I asked for Friday off work as I couldn't bear all the cards, flowers etc and people asking me what I was doing for Valentines. I was owed holiday so they gave me the week off. Oh my it has been the longest week, I went to my support group Monday, since then I've barely left my bed in the day, going over things in my head....far too much time on my hands!

Then when kids come home I am downstairs prepping dinner as if all is fine, I know my daughter has noticed as i had loads of things planned; get car serviced; get hair done etc but have done nothing! She is away at weekend and I'm not back at work til Tuesday. Really need to pick myself up. 

I am wingeing now LOL.

What I'm trying to say is that we will get there, I truly believe that, or we might as well have gone with them, but I think sometimes it is 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

Take care of yourself and your lovely family. Ali x

Dear Alig55,

I lost the love if my life the week before your loss is it was 12 weeks for me yesterday and I total empathise with you totally. I have been having periods of a few days where I feel reasonable and then have periods like last night where it felt as raw as ever. I dont work....I am 10 years older than my partner, she was 52, so I dont have distraction of that or children at home. like you i am dreading tomorrow. we where together for over 19 years so tomorrow will be the first without a card. Am dreading it! 

Hugs to you for tomorrow x

Hi Everyone

I have had a good week, my emotions have not reared their ugly head, i am really surprised.

I went shopping this morning was waiting for my friend a lady i did not know her said to me 

i hate shopping now i am on my own, so yes my reply was i know how you fill, she said her hubby had been gone for 18months, and yes you ot what my reply was mine 12 weeks, then it was like the heavens had opened and i am standing there crying my eyes out in front of everyone, where it came from i do not not.

The lady was right she said i understand and no one does till it happens to them.so my afternoon has now been crap.

AS for Valentines my hubby and i never ever celebrated it we always said, we do not need just the one day, we love each other every day of the year.

I hope each and every one of you get threw the day the best you can, its just a day.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone", 

Thank you all for your replies, i am sorry for your losses, of course none of us want to be here and i do wish there was a way to heal all of the hurt for everyone. I have to learn how to be me, not us, after 42 years this is going to take time, if it can happen. There is so much needs doing  but  i can't face any of it just yet but there are so many reminders everywhere but i don't want to do things i may regret. Oh dear, think today should hurry up and go and hope that i can find sleep and that may make things a little easier tomorrow.    

My hubby always spoilt me on Valentine's Day, right from our very first one when I was 17! I have bought a single red rose today and will put it next to his ashes on his bedside table. 

Mabelmum, please don't rush into anything. As most people will say on here just take your time. I still have loads to sort out, especially financial stuff but it will get done eventually. 

Give yourself time xx

Dear ellie68,

I'm sorry you've had such a crap afternoon. It doesn't take much does it?

I work in a supermarket and the things people say never cease to amaze me. I had a lady buying  gorilla glue as she had some DIY to do as her husband had passed away 3 years ago, I told her that I'd lost my husband a few weeks ago and had a kitchen drawer to fix.

She replied "well at least you're young enough to find another one"

I was speechless!

Dear Ellie 68

Its 4 weeks tomorrow since I lost my darling husband from cancer at the age of 64. His funeral was on Monday 10th and I feel like the grief has hit me for a second time now that all the preparing for and stress of the funeral has passed. I feel like I just want to hibernate in the comfort of our house where I feel safe. Yesterday I found myself sat in his wardrobe smelling and stroking his clothes and sobbing. I have children and grandchildren that distract me for periods of time but then I have periods of crying or just feeling empty and lost. Walking around the shop yesterday shopping for 1 I had tears rolling down my face my face feeling like a freak. I have still bought him a valentines card that I will write and put up tomorrow. Is that strange? I struggle to think straight and last few days I’ve found myself curled up on the sofa with a blanket doing nothing! My eating pattern is 0 with a packet of biscuits for supper not exactly healthy. I’m lost empty and alone. Nothing at all has been moved since the day my husband died and I can’t see when I will be able to move anything anytime soon.

sheila

Oh Sheila, I am so sorry for your loss. You are doing exactly as I did. I could (and still do sometimes) sit on the sofa with a blanket and before I knew it the whole day has gone! I often had a bag of crisps and a mince pie for dinner! I also didn't change my sheets for weeks (yuk I know)as I didn't want to wash him away! I think you've done well to go out shopping.

Four weeks is nothing and you've had so much to do in those weeks. I wonder how we manage it, but we all do.

Sending you a hug. Ali x

Dear Sheila,

You have just pretty well said just how i have felt today. (my husband was 67 and his funeral was the 7th) If my kids were not here with me i would be there with the rubbish food (rubbish appetite) wrapped in a blanket. It is small comfort that this seems a usual reaction but we are talking on here so are not entirely alone and we are reaching out to others, who are there for us. It's early days, small steps, one foot in front of the other. As for being "young enough to find someone else" that person has maybe forgotten the pain of these early days.

Hoping we all have better sleep tonight. Wishing you all peace and comfort. M xxxxxxxxxx