New here

It is so very very hard. 

I had counselling which sounds like yours. I talked or cried for just under an hour with very little input from the counsellor. No offer of any support when the sessions ended even though the questionnaire was just as negative as at the beginning.

I can only hope things improve for you.

I guess my biggest question is how do you move forward. I was 16 when we met an 28 years together, we had just become  grandparents when he got his diagnosis. Which makes it's so much harder. He got to meet his granddaughter but she will never remember him. I'm hoping the good days will start to outweigh the bad days an that the anger will fade soon. 

You move forward by not expecting too much of yourself and taking it a day at a time. Take all support offered, cry when needed, eat and sleep when you can.

I'm afraid there's no time scale we are all different and I hope your granddaughter can bring some joy in your shattered life.

I haven't found an answer to that question. After my husband died, I kept asking women who'd lost their husbands how they managed to survive. Nobody really gave me an answer, so I've come to the conclusion that, somehow, life moves us forward. I've often felt that it's only because I have breath in my body that I'm living and doing the things that the living have to do. I know I'm not bringing you much comfort but I think life makes us put one foot in front of the other, even when we don't have the strength to do it. Don't rush anything. Don't try to force yourself to feel better or to force the anger to subside. It will happen in all good time. I know it doesn't feel good but we need to feel these emotions. Eventually, they will be replaced by other emotions. Just give yourself the time. After one year, the anger still wells up in me from to time but, mainly, it's the sadness that prevails . 

Take good care of yourself.

Anger is a part of the bereavement process and you apparently have to go through all the stages of grief! 

I tried bereavement counseling with my first husband's death, even paid for it but I didn't find it helpful and the counselor didn't specialise in bereavement. Strangely since Ric has passed I have found that I have been able to accept Simon's death at last! 

Just take your time and do what you want to do xxx