Just an observation.

Hi Geoff and everyone,

I think this site offer tremendous support for both widows/widowers alike.

Geoff - I find your posts thought provoking and I resonate with your spiritual messages.

I wish more men would contribute and there are a number of studies why men isolate themselves further by not showing their grief. Of course they grieve. So you may have a point or you may not. I just don't know. 

It took me a long time to encourage my husband to find another type of happiness (he was grieving the loss of his previous partner to cancer when I met him). I only now understand what he went through as I now find myself in the same position. 

He was a bit of a drinker (trying to dull the pain etc), sometimes very angry; but in time he was content again and then drank less.

We all grieve differently and being "strong", like my husband was for others, meant he ignored his own grief/left to deal with it alone, for a number of years. This as it turned out was not healthy.

I think it's great that you can express yourself so well and hope it encourages other men.

It's a very emotive subject but please do keep posting. I do however agree with the ladies and Winmick, we respond regardless to gender.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

I agree with you wildcat.  I have posted and not always had replies and I suppose in my non lucid moments have felt nobody has noticed  but if I get a 'like' then somebody has. It sounds pathetic but one thing among many that I am learning in this process is that my head doesn't work normally (whatever that is!)and I analyse every little thing, constantly questioning things. I dont have my sounding board who would help me see things as they really are! 

You are right....writing things down helps and reading other people feeling the way you do is so comforting. If someone acknowledges your post it is lovely as it just makes me feel less like the only person in the world this has happened to.....another way my head is not working well. 

Good Monday everyone

xSandra

Hi Geoff, I can sympathise with the way you feel. I'm guilty personally of getting dependant on these forums for support and acknowledgement of my situation. I too over analyse when I don't get a lot of feedback or likes and I realise perhaps you are trying to find a reason or solution. I agree, we are all going through the same horrendous experience of loss, and maybe men do react differently in how much they share their feelings by writing posts. I'm not sure what the solution is other than don't feel ignored, we need to stick together and  know however much feedback we get we are in this together.  X

Dear Needing Friends and Dutsie

Thank you for your very balanced and understanding replies. You both seem to have  an inkling of where Im coming from. My original post was never designed to split up the genders. And the term Sisterhood as I said was just a term to describe how it seems women are better at communicating than men. As my thread title said 'Just a Thought.' Ive always been happy with any responses to my posts regardless of gender and it was never my intention to suggest I dont get enough. Im not quite sure how that came about but words on a screen without tone of voice or non verbal behaviour can all to often be misinterpreted.Maybe I've stirred up a hornets nest? Maybe I'm just burned out as a writer? Who knows. But I can't see myself posting again as for some good people  it seems I've lost my credibility and for others they may feel like  they are treading on egg shells in respect of any further posts I put up. Of course I will be reading from time to time others posts that appear on site. But in general terms I'm going into writers retirement and I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for sharing their grief with me over the time.

Love and Light

Geoff

Hi Geoff, don't be down hearted, we all cope with grief in different ways. We are all individuals going through a shared experience. We cannot always  be on exactly the same page  x

Hi Geoff. , please don’t stop writing on here. I and many other people enjoy ( maybe that’s the wrong word ) your posts but you know what I mean, we all need to get our feelings out there weather people agree or not. I hope you didn’t take offence at my post , if you did I apologise. You like the rest of us has lost your darling wife/ husband / soulmate. And you need to stay with us and keep writing, because an awful lot of what you say makes sense to us and gives us comfort.and also I hope we can give you comfort  

so again Geoff , I apologise, but please keep posting. 
Mike

Hi Geoff,

I too hope that you don't retire from writing! I have always read your posts, replied to some just liked others when I didn't feel I had anything useful to say or just couldn't find the motivation to think of a reply.

I have had my first group counselling session for widows today at the local hospice. There were 24 of us, interestingly, out of those 24 only 4 were men!

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Ali x

Hi Geoff please don't  stop writing on hear as we all need to support each other's ..and I must say you can start a new discussion that you might not realise how meny folk you are helping ..like the others day I was thinking how I was going to ever be able to start to sort out my hubbys belongings and you gave me a lot of help ...also tomorrow is 6 months since I lost my Dad and it's his birthday don't know how I will get through tomorrow but I know I will with the help of all the folk on hear ...would miss your post ..

Hi Geoff

As others have said do not stop posting, it helps to see things down in black and white, some of my posts on these forums over the last year or so, have been more about sorting things out in my own mind and seeing them down in front of me helps.  

I do have to say, I have not really noticed much differences bet post of men or woman, however I don,t think I was looking that closely.  

We men tend not to share things to openly, just the way we are raised I think, thankfully, and you might find that a silly statement, I had a really bad brush with PTSD many years ago, but the things I learned going through that allowed me to cope better when my Adele died. 

I don,t hide my grief nor do I wallow in it, it’s painful.  I  do even after a year or so tear up a few times a week and you know what , I am glad I do, shows me I am alive and still care .

keep well and keep safe, live 

Lee ( man )

Hi Ali,

I have my first group counselling session tomorrow. Am apprehensive but also looking forward to speaking face to face with people as well as on here. 

Hope you found ur session useful.

x Sandra

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