bad days

morning.

The part about crying struck a chord....I have found it so waring but I am being told constantly by people who  know.. drs councillors, that it is a thing your body needs to do let alone your mind so dont stop yourself. it isnt a weakness as I felt but a very very natural part of this horrendous process.

Sandra

Hi Akela2516,

I did exactly what you are doing in the early days - and I think I still have days or weeks like that - where I keep myself very very busy so that I don't have to slow down which would allow too many thoughts and feelings in. I am a bit better at giving myself the time and space to grieve now than I was in the early days though. I think we learn to slow down over time, we can realise that sitting down on our couch and bursting into tears is okay and indeed manageable and actually helps us to process our grief; but only we ourselves can now when the time is right for that and personally I have found that I needed to get stronger and strong enough to let this happen. I think I had the first whole day on my own and without anything planned or to do a good few months after Paul's death. So what I am trying to say is: Yes, of course you will be able to slow down at some point, this now is a coping mechanism and it is good to have it because, if you didn't have it, it would be a lot more difficult to cope than it is right now.

I hope your Sunday was okay. Mine was. I went out for a quick walk between showers, prepared my lunches for the week, spoke to my parents on the phone and listened to a lot of podcasts.

I am so much looking forward to the beginning of the new wek though. A lot of work is waiting for me which I like.

Love, Mel.

Thank you Mel, every one thinks I am coping really well and maybe I am on the outside. I am scared to have a day off on my own too!!! I am working a bit of overtime because of this! Weekends are not so bad as my children are around and I can keep busy with the mundane chores. They have made it easier for me. I know my son is watching me. He is trying to encourage me to stop and grieve a bit, he didn't for a couple of years with his dad and then had counseling. I don't feel ready for it yet. 

I guess I will get there in the end! Meanwhile I have a cleaner house!!! 

The weekend was ok. Hope yours was too xxx