Sometimes I feel perhaps I shouldnt be on this site.

Hi Lou 

What you write about your Dad pretty much applies to me a lot of the time and its nearly 10 months on. I to am retired so I have far too much time to think.,There is only so much I can do because of the lock down. I have good family support as well as two brilliant neighbours across the road. You are right when you say we should be grateful that our love one didn't go through this during lock down. Generally speaking I'm not happy anymore. I walk around with a huge empty  vacuum inside that was once filled with my Anne. Just filling in time till its my turn to leave this aweful world and be with my soul mate again. Take care Lou. 

Love and Light Geoff x

Hi Geoff, 

 Its so terrible you feel that way. My dad feels the same. I literally had to say to him when he told me he didn’t want to live anymore that I couldn’t live without him and that was before my own husband died. I need my dad more than ever and I’m sure you have some fantastic people in your Own life that would miss you so much. 

a part of me feels like I lost my husband 2 months after he did and if I can keep going why can’t he? And then I wonder if maybe he loved her more or knew her for longer but then I feel like nobody loved anybody like I loved Liam so why do I feel guilty for not feeling as bad as my dad does!??? What’s that about?

anyway drunken rambling again. Just my thoughts for the day! Geoff, you sound like a lovely person and like my step mum I’m sure your doll didn’t want to leave you. Some things are just out of our control and too cruel to comprehend. I promised my dad life would get better over time, I’m not 100% sure I believe in my own advice because life will never be the same but I stay strong for him because I can’t live without my dad too. I hope you have that someone that loves you that much that they couldn’t live without you so you know the importance of staying here as long as possible for them. 

try to find another person to live for even if it’s a friend or neighbour. You probably don’t know it but you have a bigger impact on their lives than you realise. Imagine how they would feel if you were gone! X

Hi again Lou

What's called 'irrational guilt' is apparently common place during a part of the  bereavement process.  I've had some heart breaking moments. Flash backs to events over 40yrs ago! Just what's that all about?  Anne and I were married 50yrs so there are thousands of happy memories to draw from but no, the few troubled times when we were both young and fiery seem to want to dominate everything. But it is slowly subsiding. I suppose the energy powering these thoughts eventually wear out. I know both our kids ( well into their 40's now)  love me to bits yet  know I've lost the spark for  life;   however I keep on my happy face as best I can to stop them worrying. I know its weak of me to say this but without my beer to quell the inner hurt and loneliness I'm not sure what my actions would lead to.But at least I'm not drinking all day. A few cans in the afternoon. But in the evening - the worst time - the skies the limit and I just don't care. I really feel for you Lou. You have the bereavement hell from  losing Liam to work through  plus the worry of your dear Dad. I'm always here for a chat or listen to a rant should you ever feel the need. Take my friend. 

Love and Light

Geoff. X

Hi and it was so good to read from you. What do you are saying about the five or 10 minutes during the day resonated a lot with me because I am getting those days as well wear, out of the blue, I have a big cry and then feel a lot better and lighter afterwards. Maybe that is some form of release... Yes, the situation with the virus hasn't made things any easier has it? Not having work or only very little to do And not being able to see friends is really difficult. But we will get through this. Love and hugs and!

Hi Mel 

Not too good. Just been told my mate who had a stroke is likely to pass within the next 24hrs.Tony lost his wife about 15 months ago and I lost my darling 10 months ago. We supported each other because our reactions to grief were identical. Anytime either of us needed to talk from the heart all we needed to do was pick up the phone. Tony never accepted that his dear wife had gone but soon he will be joining her. Bless him. He is my life line and now I'm about to lose him too. My life line because  I'm still grieving over my Anne. So I'm completely messed up at the moment and to be honest tired of life. I just wish I could have a fatal stroke and be done with it all. Sorry to be so morbid. I suppose I needed to talk to someone. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x 

hey Geoff I'm sorry to hear about your mate and knowing how much he was there for you and you for him . Such a shame please take care tonight remember your Anne with beautiful memories prayers for tony . God bless Geoff

Oh, Geoff, you sound so distraught. Please let us know how things go. We can't replace Tony because we're virtual friends but we're friends nonetheless. I don't think I would have survived the last year without this forum. I went through some very dark times but it helped knowing there would be someone listening/reading. Whatever happens, you know we're around. And, as you said earlier, you have your children who love you to bits. When we're in trouble, people tend to show up.

Take care of yourself.

Hi Geoff,. I've been away caring for my very poorly dad and have just seen your post. I'm so sorry to hear about your good friend Tony. Please keep posting and let us be your confidants as best we can, as you have been ours. We need each other through these flipping awful times xx

Dear Needing Friends and others. 

My mate passed over into Spirit today at 12noon. His wife Rene was his life and Tony always said when she passed over 15months ago he would NEVER accept she had gone. And he always said that to me till the end. As a man of 87 he was so physically fit and switched on mentally. He catered for himself apart from his daughter delivering food and supplies during lock down. We became very close after my Anne passed over because Anne worked alongside his wife Rene. Tony and I supported each other because our level of grief matched. So in that sense we bonded as brothers. But he is now with his beloved Rene, Bless them both.

Light band Love 

Geoff x

hello Geoff That's sad the passing of your good friend Tony I've been praying for him in the past couple of days I'm so sorry Geoff and hope you keep it together, tony and his beloved rene together again if true id be happier. Take care you .