Sometimes I feel perhaps I shouldnt be on this site.

You have every right to be here. As you say grief knows no age. 

Good to hear that it's a bit more tolerable

Good evening Geoff

This site is for everyone who has lost a partner and our grief is our grief. The length of  time we had together matters not. I think it's the future we all expected that links us. We didn't ask to be left alone some for longer than others but still not the life we wanted. 

I was with my husband for 19 years married for 14 and he died when he was 47. I never wanted my son's to grow up without a Dad, sadly my Dad died in a car crash so I know only too well how they will miss him for all their lives.

I am so pleased to know that some of your days are now ok, this is a long slow process but you are getting there. Have you thought any more about getting a companion whether that be a dog or a cat?

Sleep easy

Geoff,

We have both been in this group for about the same time and both lost our soulmate to pancreatic cancer.

Just wanted to say I read all the posts too and I'm only slightly younger than yourself.

Whilst it must be bad to lose your love at a young age, to lose the love of your life at any age is a terrible cruel thing.

My Amanda was 67, a good age but as mentioned in the thread, it's not just the age it's all the things planned all the Hope's and dreams of our future,gone that we all share.

I'm glad your having some good or at least ok days, I'm having good days also, just the numbness, persists, and as for everyone on here we all miss our loved one so much.

Gary

dear Geoff,

My husband died at the age of 42 in dec 19. I’m 33 years old. My dads wife (who was like a mum to me for 23 years) died in Oct 19. My dad is 73 years old and he is still as bad as I am 3 months down the line. I think it would be devastating at any age. Cancer is so cruel and unforgiving at times and while I wish I had another 40 years with Liam I am glad that he is no longer suffering. If he died in his 80s of the same disease I think it would still be just as heartbreaking. 

lou

x

Dear Geoff,

I was 45 when my husband died aged 64.

Whilst I would say our cancer journey was positive as we made the most. Im addition, my husband's attitude to his impending death made it somewhat easier to accept. However, real acceptance takes time.

Losing him was still losing him. This is what we have all in common, whatever age we are. I found sharing my feelings, being listened to here and reading other people's stories tremendously helpful.

This is the start of my second year without him and I was going to start going back to yoga etc. Unfortunately, I woke up Monday morning unable to walk due to tendonitis. Urgh, I thought how much more can I take as have been sick all day with migraine. Hence being up at this late hour!

Anyway, I mention this as I think I recall you mentioning tai chi before and was wondering if you started this again...

Look after yourself,

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Dear all.

Thank you for your replies. I love you all. 

I'm up late as often I am these days. The time is 2- 45am. OK I admit to drinking more than perhaps I should do but honestly - do I care? Not really. It gives me some solace. And at least I sleep well. So many of you poor souls are suffering in your grief yet I cannot say anything to relieve you of your burden. My goodness I wish I could. For 17yrs I practiced an ancient Chinese form of standing meditation called Zhan Zhuang ( Stand like a tree.) And more recently, Tai Chi.. But since Anne's passing I no longer feel inspired so its all come to a standstill. I believe all of our lives come to a stand still one way or another after losing the love of our lives. 

Hi Ruby. I may get a rescure cat. But its just a thought at the moment. I'm still unsure as to my commitment.These days  my mind swings like a pendulum, shall I. Shouldn't I? 

Dear everyone. I'm cruising through life at the moment but very slowly I'm coming to terms that my sweety pie isn't comming back. Yet whilst we hold our dear one's in our heart they never truly leave us. 

Loveland Light 

Geoff.

Hi Dutsie,

Oh I am sorry to hear this and hope you feel better soon and can return to your yoga. Sending a big hug! Mel.

Oh Lou, this is such an early age to lose your loved one. I am so sorry for your loss. I am only 37 and was 35 when my husband - he was 68 - died from advanced prostate cancer. It is so difficult to imagine or think of a future without them isn't it?

Love to you, Mel.

Hey Mel, 

sorry for the very late reply. I don’t come on here too often. Only when I want to hear from others who understand.... I’m having one of those moments tonight. 2.17am and I’m missing him like mad.

things have got easier, it’s been just over 4 months, I’m back at work after two months off and then BANG, pandemic comes into force making me stay home again. So 3 weeks after my personal self isolation can’t get off the couch I’m right back there. However, Most days I’m fine but then I get this overwhelming feeling most days that lasts about 5-10 minutes where I just cry my eyes out and then I’m fine again. 

this whole situation has even made me question my fear of death. I think if I had this horrible diagnosis that my husband faced I could do it with the hope that I would see him again. 

but until then I’m going on with life like I know he wanted me to, this page gives me comfort that I’m not alone and I’m also grateful that he never went through this during this scary time of COVID. 

hope you are well. 

lou 

x

Hi Geoff,

how are you doing now that a little time has passed? Is it any easier at all? My dad is still worse than me. Really struggling. I blame it on the fact he is retired whilst I still have to go to work and am forced into company which really helped me get through it. 

I’m trying to teach him that he still has so much to live for but it’s hard when all he wants is his little wife. Do you have family that support you and keep in touch? My dad now FaceTimes me every night and I think that helps him. This isolation has been really bad timing for us and I’m sure for most people in this group but the end is near, I know it! 

and we should all be thankful that our loved ones didn’t go through this during lockdown. Can you imagine not being able to visit them in hospital or have to cut down on a funeral guest list. I often wonder what my husband and step mum would have thought about this crazy time. They were a lot more laid back than me and my dad so would probably have laughed the whole thing off!!! I wish they were here to ask. 

anyway, I hope you are managing to sleep a little better now (it’s 2.31am and I’m still typing) although my sleep pattern has returned to normal now my dads hasn’t. I’m more worried about him than me really. I have to convince my dad he still has stuff to live for!!! 

im rambling now and up for work in 4.5 hours but I hope your feeling ok 

lou

x