Ken has finally found peace

Take your time. I found it harder as each day took him further away from me. I found myself remembering every little thing we did when we first met all those years ago. I thought at first I could cope but the pain gets harder. I think I believed it wasn’t real. That he would walk in the door any moment. I still think that sometimes but as I am realising that it’s probably not going to happen I cry more.  I may cry forever but hopefully not.  My advice is to rest and sleep as much as you can. 

Thank you, your reply means a lot, it really doesn't seem real because he had several spells in hospital and I had become used to having to do so much more hy myself. I think you are right, things will get harder once all the fuss dies down and I am left alone x

There could be a multitude of reasons why you feel like you do, grief effects us all in different ways.

At the start I thought I was being strong and coping, because of the inevitability of my Wife’s illness I had built myself up mentally for the blow that was about to come. It hurt like hell still but I was quite proud of how strong I was.

Now, 3 months later, it’s the daily mental grind of losing Sharon that bears heavy, it’s almost like I want to shout ‘okay I’ve been strong and gone through all that, can I have her back now please’

As I say it may effect you differently and you may be fine, that’s just how I found it.

Take care

Dennis

Dear Dennis 

I could have written your post word for word.

Anne and I too had prior warning of her time limit so when Anne passed I got stuck in and even changed the living room furniture around. In no time I was surviving well on my own. The shopping, washing, housework etc. But soon my strength began to wane and the grief and lonlyness of the truth of the situation gradually week by week wore me down. Now just over 5 months later the futilility of it all and the tears are stronger than ever. Yesterday I didnt stop crying through grief for the whole day and I prayed I could be taken in the night to be reunited with my sweet heart. But no such luck. So the daily grind goes on.

Love and Light

Geoff. 

Thank you Dennis and Geoff for your replies, I feel that this is what's happening to me. At the moment I am still feeling the relief for him and coming down from the stress of his illness and caring. The real test comes when the funeral is over, the visits  and help stop. Then it will be different. You have made me feel more normal x

Dear Needing friends 

Keep posting my friend. We are all here for you.

I've found I can express myself on OUR SITE, things I could never say to family and friends. It's our life line. 

Love and Light 

Geoff

Hi NeedingFriends,

Take your time. You will be able to cry when the time is right. As John O'Donohue says, "All we can depend on now is that sorrow will remain faithful to itself." It's from his poem "For Grief" and I feel it describes so well the process of grieving and that, in fact, our grief does know how to process itself through us.

It was similar for me. I cried a lot in the first few days. Then I didn't cry at all for a good while and, like you, I so much wished the tears would come. But when they finally came, I could feel that they were now able to come because I was strong enough to experience the overwhelming pain of loss, the shock was kind of over and I was now just very very sad. Maybe it will be the same for you. Just trust that grief knows what it is doing.

Love, Mel.

I finally crashed on Sunday. Took some left over sleeping tablets from my husbands cancer stash and had an adverse reaction. Short story rushed to hospital in ambulance lots of great care and medication and discharged 6 hours later. Such a silly old woman although I am 58. Have now been given proper antidepressants and sleeping tablets and feeling a bit better. My family checking up on me every 5 minutes which I feel guilty about. My New Years resolution is I am not going to try to be strong. It will be what it will be. But god how I miss him. 

oh sorry to hear this owl58. I ended up in a & e last year for a different reason. 

Don't be too hard on yourself, I think I have done many a silly things. Bereavement takes it toll and sometimes you just don't think straight.

I took left over cancer drugs back to the chemist fairly early on at the advice of doctors. May I suggest you do the same with anything you still may have left over.

I personally have never been to the doctors as much as I have over the last year. Glad you now have the right medication that works for you.

I have taken help wherever I can - counselling at the hospice and regular visits to the doctors for one thing or another. My sleep, healthy choices and immune system  has taken a thorough beating over the last year and a bit.

On the other hand, yoga has helped ease matters.

Take care of yourself,

With lots of love and a big hug,

Dutsie x

Hi. Needing friends 

I totally agrees with your post. My husband was in and out of hospital for 6 weeks before he passed on 19/1/19.

I had to silly domestic things on my own that he used to do, take the bins out, take the dog out last thing at night, learn how to check the washer fluid in the car. Actually this helped when I had to do it on my own

Things didn’t get harder for me as I experienced anticipatory grief whilst he was ill . I was a total mess , without knowing why, I wish I understood I had this before he died , perhaps I would have been more help to him , instead of a nervous wreck

Hope this post is of some help to you