Dating again (online)

You guys, Owl58 (with giraffe) and Alison, made me smile from the heart. Thank you X

updated 30/12/2019

A silly limmerick - love the fact that we can cry and also laugh together on this site x

There once was a vegan giraffe 

Who slept with an owl for a laugh 

The very next day 

They both went away

When I think of it now I still laugh

You made me laugh out loud Owl, which was hugely welcome. Long eyelashes might be another feature to watch out for ! Xx

I can't imagine going on dating sites or actually finding a man to marry at all. I find it interesting when people say that their spouse said they hoped they would find someone else. We never discussed it but I honestly can't imagine my husband saying that. 

That said it's an individual decision and what is right for one isn't for someone else and I would never condemn anyone who does differently from me.

I find it very difficult to agree. My darling husband was my life he understood me completely when I got angry he taught me to understand other people's feelings I am eternally grateful for what he taught me. I will try & carry on being the same kind person as he was. So how can I ever meet anyone like him on a dating site ? Impossible. I am not saying I don't agree but at this moment in time it's not for me.

i do need friendship but not just yet. We knew each other so well I can't ever imagine trusting anyone ever again the way we loved & trusted each other.

Its early days for me . This time last year my husband was taken to the Hospice & there he stayed until he died .I am reliving it all now which is not doing me any good. I am so so very upset I will probably have a stiff scotch & go to bed. That's where I am safe .

thinking of you all jojo x

Life is about choices. You can anchor yourself to the person you have loved and lost and spend your remaining days wishing for something that has gone and is not coming back. And boy do I wish he would come back to me. Or you can go forward and if you are lucky you can meet a new him. Don’t waste the wonderful feelings your love gave you. If I could find anyone half as good as him I would consider myself lucky. If I could find someone to put their arms around me at 3 o’clock in the morning and tell me they loved me as he used to then I know I am blessed. I would also like to find someone who could fix the washing machine and the dripping taps in the bathroom. Do what is right for you xxx 

Hi Wildcat,

I'm interested to read different thoughts on this topic and I do agree with you that it's an individual decision, I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with wanting another relationship.

However, I can't see myself wanting to meet someone else. It's just over two years since my husband died but I think it would seem really strange to be with another man. I still feel sort of attached to him, not in a morbid way, just still part of a couple sort of thing. Don't know if that makes sense?

 My mum was widowed at the same age as me, 60, and I did say to her, a few years later, that I wouldn't mind if she met someone, but she said she didn't think she wanted to have to get used to a new person's ways etc. I think I feel the same.

I'm fortunate in that I do get to chat to men as I belong to a large church and am also part of a small home group. I enjoy being in mixed company, so that works well for me. A lot of the people did know my husband too, so that's also nice for me.

Interesting to hear other people's thoughts though and I do hope those who would like a new relationship find just the right person at just the right time.

Don't know how those emojis appeared! Can't seem to delete them!

I'm with you on the washing machine and dripping taps bit!!!! Oh and a bit of help in the garden! I'm hanging out for Monty Don!!!!

Now there’s a man I would run off with. My husband knew it was a close thing between him and monty. I think he might have run off with monty himself. Miss him so much but you made me laugh xxxxx 

Hi Alison & all

I think that actually this is a really important discussion to be able to kick around & discuss freely within this group.  We are all at different stages, have different experiences & are different ages & yet we’ve all suffered the terrible permanent loss of those we loved the most in the world. And they can’t & won’t be coming back.

I would never judge anyone who felt ready to date again or who felt they could never date either.  Honestly, I think it’s such a individual decision. I’m still in my mid 40s & genuinely thought I would grow old with my hubby, it’s what I wanted & what I hoped for. But plan A is no longer on the table. 

I cannot imagine being with someone else the same way I was with my husband & yet I can’t imagine being alone for the rest of my life either. If I’m honest, I know that if I was even to entertain the idea of meeting someone (& I’m not remotely ready yet) I need to first accept that it wouldn’t be the same, that with someone else any potential relationship would be unique in its own way. I’m not ready. 
But so much of what you have said is true, it takes great courage to go out there & meet someone again & yet it could lead to something very lovely. 
If it feels right, do it, I wish you all the luck in the world 

Sarah xx