Not feeling too bad??

Thank you everyone for your replies. I’m reassured and grateful to move a little closer to understanding my own grief process because of what all of you have said. You’ve really helped x

Hi Alison,

I came on this thread a bit late. Basically, I just wanted to say the same thing as evrybody else. There was a time near the beginning when I thought, 'Hey, I'm not doing too badly' and was feeling quite proud of myself, actully, and at the same time wondering if I hadn't really loved Gilles. Perhaps our brains or some natural instinct give us some relief for a while from the trauma and pain. Grief is definitely not a straight line. 

My husband I were two loners who found each other. I have very few friends but he had even fewer or none at all, as he just lost touch with people over the years or didn't bother to try keeping in touch. I have people I can talk to (my sisters and a few friends - all on the phone, as we all live in different countries); he would not have had anybody, had I been the 1st to go, but, on the other hand, he was more philosophical and had  good coping mechansims in times of trouble. He was worried about me because he knew how hard this would be for me. I guess, in the end, it doesn't matter; somebody has to go first and it can only be suffering for the other.