Nearly a year on...

Aw Dutsie

I've just seen your message. 

Please feel proud of the relationship you have with your step son. I have a step daughter and she was an amazing support to her Dad and me. She lives 400 miles from us and gave up her job as soon as her Dad gave her his news and moved in with us.

She stayed for 2 months afterwards and returned to her life. She still visits and says every return journey takes her back to dad's last moments. She had previously never visited just me and her brothers without her Dad being here so even now after 19 months she is still very anxious and emotional on her train journey here. I feel it's healthy to talk about the this time last year, or for me now it's 2 years! We lived through it together, and there is nobody else you can compare your memories with. It's a massive trauma we all survived and especially for children to watch their parent pass. So I would say keep talking, sad and happy memories it's all important. 

Thank you  Ruby Diamond,

I am grateful of the relationship I have with my step son and that he is opening up to me. Unfortunately, there is now that deeper connection through our mutual loss. I just sometimes doubt myself (not having children of my own), but, in hindsight it was good to have a cry together and share memories, both sad and happy.

I get the feeling that he is more comfortable talking to me than his own mum, in this respect. So I am touched that he talks to me from his heart about his dad. 

You are also right that it takes a lot for them to visit. My step son told me that's why he cancelled on me a few times earlier this year! It did mean that I spent some key dates on my own in the house but that is okay, as we all grieve differently. In fact, at times, it was a relief to be left alone.

My stepson came up for a weekend around this time last year and ended up staying with us for couple of weeks. Whilst you are never prepared; with him it was more of a shock as to how quickly his dad went in the end.

Whilst I know that is what Richard would have wanted. A conversation he had with me;  probably a lot more difficult to have with your only son. 

Anyway, thank you again.

With lots of love,

Dutsie x

ps Ruby Diamond - Hope you son's recovery is going as well as can be expected x

Thank you.

His recovery was going amazingly. Until Friday when he managed to break his leg again!!!!

We have been back in hospital since then, he had surgery on Saturday and he's in so much pain it's hard to witness. 

I've definitely had enough of long days in hospital.

Fingers crossed he's home soon and mends fully this time.

You sound like an amazing step mom. I’m sure Richard was reassured knowing you’d be there for his only son. 

Thank you Alison.

And "oh no!" Ruby Diamond....really do hope your son's leg gets better soon. Sending you virtual hugs. Must be tough on you x

It's definitely not easy.

It's exhausting driving in and out and then sitting being positive when he's so sore. Then every inch of the journey, car parking and the hospital itself remind me of being there with Rob.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for him and not as much pain. 

Thank you xx

I think I said on another post that you never know when grief hits you. I was watching the Crown last night and the death of George vi set me off.

Just seeing his body on his deathbed gave me flashback and I felt heartbroken all over again. Cried myself to sleep.

I popped into work this morning, very tired. Every time I drove anywhere, tears flowed.

My grateful moment of the day was a lovely lady that helped me with buying clothes for our work Christmas party. She was so kind and helpful - made me smile from the inside. Felt great in that moment.

Trying on clothes got tiring and uncomfortable eventually  as I had a bone marrow biopsy a few weeks ago. The hip one failed so also got stabbed in the sternum. Not nice....and still waiting for results. Anyway, I think I have gone off on a tangent! It will be what it will be...

I then cried on the way home after.  Now home and going to bed. Before I do, I just wondered what people did on the first anniversary? The "advice" is to be prepared and plan your day!??

I have a day off on Monday but don't see the point of not going into work and moping around. Was thinking either going for a long walk somewhere nice and perhaps meeting some mutual friends in the pub later. Or even go to my yoga class, if I have not had a drink. There is of course that bottle of champagne from our wedding earlier last year I may open....although feeling a bit low at the moment to contemplate that now x

Dear Dutsie, 

My husband's anniversary was a bit of a blur as I warned my family I'll be how I'll be the only thing I did do was go out over the specific time as didn't want to be in the house. (He passed away at home) Do what you want make plans or not be with people or on your own people will understand if you change plans. I'll keep fingers crossed for results xxx

Thank you Wifeof26years, 

I feel in a bit if blur already. I really don't know what I want to do. Your point of being out of the house over a specific time, I take on board fully (my husband died at home too) and don't want to be in the house on my own.

I have a busy week until Saturday with work.....just want to stop now and rest, so tired to think straight x