What about Christmas

Has anybody had the feeling that this pain we suffer is like being on death row just waiting for that day

Dear Ian. 

Very much so my good friend. Excellently put. 

Love and Light

Geoff

Hello JoJo and everyone, I was so pleased to find your post because you’ve expressed my own concerns exactly. I’m actually going to be away for Christmas ( my adult children thought being at my house without their dad would be too too sad.  I’ll be sad wherever I am but I thought it might be good to do something different so we are all, dog included, going to an Air B and B place in London). 
But I don’t know what to do about any decorating at home though having read these posts I’m going to get them out of the attic and the little tree in from the garden - amazingly still alive since last year - and see how I feel. 
Cards are a whole other issue. Actually thinking about stopping them altogether because resources, recycling, climate crisis - maybe this is the year to do it? 
Hugs to all 

Hi Jojo & all

Last year was the first year for me without my husband but I still needed to do Christmas for my children.

I kept the decorations simple, not so many out & def not all round the house but still had a tree which was an artificial one. We also started a new tradition of our own. Every day in December we lit a candle in the evening that we had chosen that smelt lovely ( not a Christmassy smell- we chose the luxurious cashmere one by Yankee candle, as I thought my husband would like it, but other candles are available!) & we put it next to a lovely picture of him.  It gave us comfort, we didn’t discuss it with anyone , but it helped us to  acknowledge how much we miss him, always thinking of him  & especially at such a difficult time of year. Will definitely be doing that again this year. 

I’d say don’t put yourself under pressure, see how you feel. Sometimes it is helpful to have a few familiar things out, sometimes not, it’s s personal decision but do what feels right for you. 

Sarah xx

Thought I might also add, the build up to Christmas & particularly Christmas Eve was probably harder than the day itself last year. When it came to the day, it went round like it always does, & then it was over.

hold that thought when you think about Christmas, its one day & then that’s it, you will get through it. 

Love to all xx

I agree with Sarah; it's the build-up that's hard. The day itself is usually something of an anti-climax. My husband died on Dec. 20th and although I was with his family on Chritsmas Day, you can imagine that our hearts were not in it. I will be travelling this year with a friend and made it very clear that I did not want to celebrate anything - not Xmas, my birthday, New Year's, nothing. One of the reasons is that, without being an overly-religious person, I did pray (a lot) for my husband and I feel as though a door was shut in my face and in his. He was an atheist so, basically, he just humoured me when I was praying, but still…I guess there's still a lot of anger in me. I really used to love Christmas: the carols, the decorations, the food, Midnight Mass. Even though we made an effort the year before, Gilles wasn't able to enjoy much of anything because of the chemo.

We're all making adjustments in our lives and I would like to think that at some point we will find different ways of doing things we once enjoyed and that we will find pleasure in doing them. I sincerely hope so. I woke up this morning telling myself that this will take the time it has to and I'm not going to force anything. We've been through a lot already so let's try to go easy on ourselves.

As for the cards you're going to receive, you can always open them at a later date when you feel ready.

Lots of love to you all.

Dear All

 Tthank you xxxx your replies have really helped so much you're right it is only one day & probably the thinking about it will be the worst bit. Sending love to you all . 

Jojo x