What about Christmas

It's so hard to know what to do. Even if no one else will see it if you want some decorations then have some. 

Hi jojo 

I lost the love of my life 12th July this year. I'm not putting up any decorations in fact I'm throwing them away apart from the fibre optic Christmas tree ( I don't know why?) which I wont be displaying. I'm going to my daughter's for Christmas for a few days but I honestly feel like telling her I'd rather be alone and on my own and treat it like any other days. My heart is truly not in this - which for me - has now become a pointless ritual. 

Love and Light 

Geoff.

Hi JoJo

Last year was my first without my husband and even if I didn't want to do Christmas our sons who were 18 and 13 most certainly did. We had everything up as we Always used to. It brought back memories which made us laugh and cry.

What I couldn't do was write Christmas cards.. I couldn't physically not put Robs name first. So I didn't send any, I explained to my family and they were fine. Something that really upset me was receiving cards just addressed to me, not the usual Mr and Mrs. Another reminder, as if I needed it that Rob was gone.

I've written the above not to add to your worry more to prepare you. If you want to decorate then do so, maybe just get out the things and see how you feel. I love how a room looks with only the light from a Christmas tree, don't worry too much, there's plenty of time to decide.

I will be going to my kids house for Xmas day and boxing day my house won't have and decorations up my wife always did that it would emotionally kill me I think just couldn't face it it's never going to be Xmas again for me anyway

Hi Ruby & all

Thank you for your replies. I will try that getting the decorations out & see how I feel. Cards are a problem I think I will send cards but dread the ones I receive from people that may not know, you know the ones that you receive every year from people you have met over the years but you are not really close to, I can't bear as you said to letting them know just by writing only my name. I think I am overthinking this don't you? It's just that different things come into my mind. 

Thinkng of going to our local Hospice for the Carol service & also hanging a dove in remembrance on the tree not sure whether to go on my own or ask my family to come with me, don't wan to make them feel more sad so much going on in my head , I still haven't scattered his ashes yet & it's coming up for a year .

love to you all

jojo x

I think the service at the hospice will be a lovely thing to attend. I would definitely go. Maybe tell your family you are going and see if they offer to come with you. 

You can only do things at your pace, don't worry about scattering your husband's ashes. He won't mind I'm sure.

X

Hi Ruby

thaank you I think I will do that tell them & see what they say xx

My husband died in May. We always had Christmas at our house, big tree, decorations, lights, candles. Apart from last Christmas, when he wasn't really up to it, we had neighbours in for drinks. My son, daughter and I have decided we should do something a bit different this year, so we're going to my son's for 2 nights, and then they're coming to mine on Boxing Day. I wasn't going to put a tree up but my daughter persuaded me, but I'll buy an artificial one. Really couldn't cope with a real tree, John was the one who lugged it into the car, into the house, watered it, and took it down after New Year. But I know he'd have been sad if we didn't try to enjoy Christmas. It will be hard though.

Anne

Pleased you have sorted out what you are going to do. I think maybe I will get a small artificial one I know my husband would like me to carry on & not be too sad but it will be tough for us all . 

Loads of love

jojo x

Hi Jojo and all,

I haven't thought Christmas much. Last year, I so did not feel in the mood for Christmas. It was the first Christmas without my husband. I didn't put up any decorations, avoided Christmas get togethers and avoided listening to Christmas music on the radio. Christmas - and in fact most of the months leading up to it - passed in a blurr, I can't even remember them now.

I am not sure about this year. Well, I am going to spend the actual time of Christmas and New Year's with my family in Germany. And before that? I am not sure. I love the idea of decorations because I have always loved them and I am wondering if it would be good to put them up and maybe even have a small tree and just see how that feels or what feelings and memories that may trigger, just almost like an experiment, you know. But then I am not sure if the idea is good because it's only me here and who is going to enjoy everything with me. There is also a wierd part in me which feels that creating new memories of Christmas in this house would sort of weaken the old ones of Paul's and my Christmas here in the house and I would love to keep the memories strong.

I think I will put a lot of candles around and maybe a few lights in the window. But definitely not a tree.

Love, Mel.