Struggling

Hi sorry for your sadness I have days like that  it is horrible but I also have some half good days hoping we all get a little better soon 

Hi Jan1962 - I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s just a rubbish situation to be in, isn’t it!

It’s 20 months since my partner passed & I still have good days and bad ones. I actually posted in this group for the first time this week as I was feeling so lost with it all.

What I can say, is that for me bad times have always eventually passed & I hope they do for you to. I’ve ended my week in a much better place than I started it.

Take Care

-D.

If you don't mind, I'm going to relate a very stupid, mundane story. Yesterday, I noticed one of my front tyres was making a funny noise for no apparent reason - no flat, no puncture, nothing. So, I went to work, forgot all about it until  in the afternoon, when I wanted to go for a walk, it started all over again. What you must know is that I absolutely hate driving, have no interest whatsoever in cars and I'm the type of person whose eyes glaze over as soon as someone starts talking about mechanical issues. Anyway, I proceeded to go for my walk, parked my car, saw a man parked opposite me and told him about my car troubles. That's what I do these days. I ask any arbitrary man I see for advice about my car. So, he most obligingly had a look at my tyres, discovered that the surface of one of them was shredding away and recommended I change the two front ones as soon as possible.

So, off I went to the garage this morning. I explained the purpose of my visit and in less than 30 minutes I had two new tyres mounted. Remembering vaguely there was something called tyre alignment, I asked the owner/foreman if they'd done it. Naturally, he said yes. Having no idea what that consists in, I was forced to take his word for it but was not in the least bit convinced. Anyway, I came back home feeling powerless, helpless, abandoned and miserable and you can take a wild guess how I spent the rest of the morning. Sobbing my heart out, of course. Sometimes, it's the most silly, most uninteresting things that remind you of how alone you are now.

The end.

The other way of looking at this is that you got your tyres fixed and for that I say ‘well done’! Your car and you are now safe on the road, but I know it is horrible having to do everything. I expect like most couples there were some things that were your responsibility and some were his. Certainly it was like that with us and doing every little thing myself ( all the cooking, putting the bins out, ordering logs, getting the central heating serviced etc etc) makes me feel very alone. 
Hoping today will be a good day for us both xx 

Hi everyone 

Its such a different life isn’t it

I didn’t know how to check the oil, washer fluid  and certainly still don’t know how to check the tyre pressure!!

Perhaps it’s old fashioned but we each had our own chores, he did he bins (poor Theresa May got some stick or saying that,)

I have had to adapt but it just seems to emphasis how much we worked together and needed each other

Hope you both have had a good weekend, the usual long weekends seems even longer with the clocks going back

x

Hi Jan1962 

' Grief Attacks.'  as I call them can catch you out at anytime even more so after  about three months when we've some how dropped our guard and believe we are coping. This is perfectly NORMAL my friend. When this happens to me I just go along with it. I cry my eyes out. I shiver  with the cold that overtakes me and accept that  at that time I'm falling apart. I've learnt not to fight it.  Just let it all out.  Then something else happens!   But I'll leave you alone to find out what that is for yourself dear lady. 

Love and Light Geoff. 

What you say is so true. We were a great team as I often said to my husband. I’m happy to say I’ve had a nice weekend staying with my sister and brother in law. Home tomorrow to my empty house but planning to get there before dark. No point in making a hard thing harder. 
Love and strength to you all x 

Yes, that's what marriage is about, isn't it? Sharing the good times and the bad (as corny as it sounds) and sharing the workload. I have no problem admittng that we each had our chores before Gilles fell ill. I cooked, saw about the finances; he did the dishes, threw out the bin, drove,  and I must confess, a whole lot of other things, including the housework, which I helped with on occasion. I was especially spoilt and enjoyed every minute of it! Now that he's gone, I realize what a positive influence he had on me. When we met, I was a very disorderly 26- year old student. He had to be behind me all the time to put my things away, to tidy up, to empty my suitcase when we came back from holiday, etc. I thought I hadn't changed but now, I do all those things on my own without anybody telling me to do them. The age difference and the fact that we didn't have children allowed me to be the eternal teenager, or so I thought. He must be turning in his grave seeing me assume all the responsibilities without flinching. Well, perhaps that's not true since I did do everything during his illness (and I still don't do much housework). I became very protective of him and didn't even let him do the dishes for fear he cut himself or get some kind of infection during chemo. Oh, well...

Wishing you all a peaceful week. (What else can we wish for at this stage?)

He sounds lovely - a good man. And I’m sure you have many happy memories to keep you going in the darkest times. I found a lovely quote which I included on the order of service for Mike’s funeral  - ‘memory is a window through which I can see you whenever I want to’. I find thinking about him, especially the very early days of our marriage, hugely comforting. 

Thank you for such kind words