Feelings in places we've visited

Hi Gary

You certainly aren't the only one to be feeling like this.

My husband passed away 19 months ago and I still have all his clothes exactly where he left them, and still only sleep on my side of the bed.

I talk to him all the time and look at photos some bring back happy memories and some just make me sad. Sad that he's no longer here to make more memories. He was only 47. I will never remove my wedding ring, he will always be my husband.

We all grieve in our own way, and nothing is silly if it brings us comfort.

Hi Ruby, sorry to hear you lost your husband so young.

Amanda was 67 but I still feel that's young these days. It was quick for us and unexpected, just had blood clots in February, from the tumour we didn't know she had. Caused a heart attack and stroke, and we later found also a. pulmonary embolism.

We had comparatively a short time some 4 months after she recovered from that, although I understand her Pancreatic csncer is aggressive and following diagnosis it can be quite rapid.

I am still wearing my wedding ring, to me I married her for life and although she's gone, im not, I wear her ring on a chain round my neck.

I can't bear to move things I currently have everything as it was, i keep the garden as she made it, I tidy the kitchen as she did, almost every day I hear echoes of her which drive me to strive to do everything as she did. I sleep on my side but still reach over to were she would have been. Talking during the day I often carry on a conversation, I like to tell her what I'm doing, or what I've done or where I've been. I talk to her pictures one on our wedding day and one on holiday last year, it's become something of ritual first thing and last thing to tell her I still love her.

Does anyone else have the butterfly thing? My daughter saw them often in her garden, now I'm away, every day I see just one cabbage white, it follows me watches me, and when I do things. I even saw it at a Restuarant in the middle of town. My daughter swears it's her spirit, I'm sceptical but it happens every day,

Thank you Ruby, reading your reply your doing everything that I also do. I'm expecting a big.being suddenly overcome with more grief, as if I've not had enough if that already.

I'm lucky I have children around me and my grandsons really help. I'm pleased I am able to function because keeping things as they were gives me purpose in life.i t would be so easy to just give up, although I've had days like that.

Take care, we all have to do what we have to do, we all do what it takes to survive and carry on.

Gary.

I think it's very comforting being able to do things and keep things they way they always were. This is a lonely journey and anything that helps is they way it should be.

My husband developed a dvt when he returned from his job in Angola. He was I hate to say was an Engineer and worked off shore a month at a time.

While the hospital were scanning him to see the scale of the dvt they discovered he had very aggressive terminal Adrenal Cancer. A short 3 months later he was gone. Our children were 21,18 and 12.  It was very traumatic for us all to witness his decline and final breath.

As you say I'm so thankful for our children and we got a rescue dog who is my companion while the children are at work, uni and school. It would be too easy to not get dressed and stay in bed watching tv. Rob my husband was such a hands on dad and husband, he would cook, clean and help with the children I miss his energy. So when I'm having a "can't be bothered" moment, I can hear him encourage me. He was of the mind that I can do anything if I try. This gives me hope.

I hope you have a good weekend. I'm walking the dog early to be back for the rugby. I hope Rob is watching somewhere.

Dear all, 

don’t you just think that the words widow and widowed  are SO ugly, I feel I am married ,my husband has died but I an still tied to him until death do us part both of us not just one of us, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I loved him when he was alive and I still love him

Does anyone else understand this

Maddy

I totally agree Maddy. 

I'm still married to my Anne. These labels may well have a place in beurocracy which we sometimes need to address. But they are in fact just 'labels.'  And nothing else.

Love and Light.

Geoff.

Dear Maddy I totally understand what you are saying. I lost my lovely Ron three years ago after nearly 51 years of such a happy and loving marriage. We have a wonderful family who support me very well. Ron and I always used to say when one of us passes it doesn"t mean that we are no longer married  I feel we are still and will always will be. I love him now as I always have, They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I am sure it does because I love him more than ever now if it is possible. I have joined a group of ladies who have also lost their loved ones and we know just how we all feel. I feel very comfortable with them because of what has happened to all of us. Sending love and hugs to you. xxx  Carol,xxx

I too hate being described as a widow. I still feel like his wife even though he's not here and I doubt that will ever change. 

I'd love to be able to tell you all that it gets better but in my experience it doesny. This is existing and doing the minimum to survive. 

Wishing us all a restful night.

I do agree wildcat this just existing I just go from day to day it's been nearly 5 month's now the rawness has worn off but that's it I go to speak to her every Saturday and that is the only thing I force myself to do the rest as you say is minimum to survive 

Yes, Maddy, and everyone else in this thread, I don't like the word "widdow" either. I accept that it is a word we use to describe the fact that a husband or wife has died; so on forms, for example, of course I will tick the box "widdowed" and not "married" or "single". But in my heart I am married to Paul and always will be. I love him as much as ever. And I feel married to him every single day, all the time, I just see myself as a married woman. And I don't think that's denial of the truth. Because I know that he is no longer alive here by my side. But I still am part of him as much as he was part of me, our soul connection hasn't changed just because one of us is no longer able to be here. 

Love qand hugs

Mel.

Hi Maddy, I joined this group with some doubts, my first post did use the word widowed, I'm sorry if this was upsetting, it's all very new to me and like many of you I'm still in shock.

My two posts and replies, actually say I feel still married, I wear my wedding ring, I wear hers round my neck and I still consider myself married for life as I mentioned in my post.

I've known Amanda for so long I couldn't consider life with anyone else thus in my mind I'm still married, and all non official places show me as such.

I think I didn't know what to expect from the group, and just used the word without thinking, I find it comforting to know others feel the same way, have the same fears, the same thoughts and similar ways to cope.

As I say, I am without my lifelong friend and wife but in every way she lives in my heart and I will be married to her till the end of my life.

Sorry if it was me who offended, non intended.

Gary