Feelings in places we've visited

Hi Gary this is a wonderful site to help you through your grief what ever you want to say in whatever way as no one will be offended as we all have the same grief  in the end someone we love has gone and we are trying to get through it the best we can keep posting it helps a lot 

Hi Gary , no you definitely didn’t upset me using the word widowed,to be honest I dont remember reading it, but it wouldn’t have upset me

No one on here has ever offended me, it’s such a lovely forum.

None of us want to be in this situation and we all seem to pull together to help each other.

kind Regards

Maddy

Hi all,

Just felt the need to say the same thing as everybody else. Like you, I still feel very much married to my husband and love him more than anything else in this life. Saying it is almost a way for me to defy death. He may no longer be here physically but I think of him and speak to him constantly. His soul has no doubt left its imprint on me so as long as I'm alive and am of sound mind, he will continue to live.

After Chris died, his children were here for several days. They live in southern and south western England and I'm way up in the northern Scottish highlands, so we did go through his stuff and divvy it out, each of us taking a piece of clothing that meant something to us. His daughter was given the quaiche he wanted her to have and his son the pocket watch. It didn't feel as if we were "getting rid" of things - just making sure we had our memories in hand. Because I'm in a wheelchair, I needed to downsize the bed so I have manuevering room in the bedroom, but it is still his pillow and I have his photo on my bedside table. I wear his wedding band under my engagement ring. I am still his wife and always will be, until the day I join him. I have my kids (my daughter and his daughter and son) and my granddaughters, and the rest of his family. I don't want or need anything more. We met later in life and only had 12 years together, 10 of them married. But we crammed more love and laughter into those years than some can get into a lifetime. 

Recently I have been gathering bits and bobs that remind of all the places we went (we used to love to get in the car and just go). I even redecorated the living room (where the hospital bed was set up and where he died) so the it reflects all the things we loved about the world and each other. I can't look in any direction without smiling at the memories the view gives me. 

I talk to Chris every night before I sleep and say good morning and I kiss his picture. I will always be his wife and proud to be so.

That's beautiful, Martha.

I too have recently made some changes to our house. Yes, I still call it "our house" because it is.

I changed things in the spare bedroom so that it has a much smaller desk now, enough for me, and a one-and-a-half-seater that I can make into a bed should family or friends come over.

It felt good to make those changes. I know that Paul would approve of them and say that I have to make these decisions now and that it has to feel right for me. And I actually think he would love the new room.

Love, Mel.

It feels nice to make changes without leaving behind the heart and soul of what made a house a home. When I finished redecorating my living room, I sent a photo to my stepdaughter. "Dad would have bloody loved that room!" That made it even more perfect.

Right now, I am awaiting word for the housing associations in Oban about moving there. My SIL works in Oban and he and my daughter are looking to move there, too. It would be best for me, as I am disabled, to have family close by. But wherever I go, Chris will go. I will take a cutting from his favourite lilac tree and hope to grow a new tree in my new garden, when the time comes. 

M

xxx