Life after loss

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 11 replies
  • 25 subscribers
  • 4996 views

Evening to everyone,

it’s been a long while since I visited or posted on this site.

It is now 20 months since I lost my husband after 8 months of living with Neuroendocrine cancer.

I remember in the first year believing that things wouldn’t get any better for me and that I would have to learn to cope with the loss and the void.

i was very pro active and wanted to try to help myself willing to try anything that honestly would hopefully make me feel like my old self again.

I joined a local bereavement group and although initially I thought it wasn’t for me , I continued,

I met some wonderful people there who despite there own bereavement were so supportive, one of these was a lovely man named Peter who had lost his wife of 45 years , we became friends supporting one another through phone calls and messages outside of our weekly group meetings.

After a while we both realised we were having feelings for one another and now at my 20 month mark I am engaged to this wonderful man who has made me feel alive again, yes we’ve had difficulties along the way but with understanding and love we have now found ourselves actually looking and planning a future again.

My reason for posting is to say that there is life after loss , never give up and always keep the hope .

I read a very similar post when I was first bereaved and I never thought this would happen to me , to find love  a second time has truly changed my life.

much love to all,

Pommy Mommy x

  • Lovely to hear from you Pommy Mommy

    I hope the dogs like Peter?

    What a wonderful post, to give everyone hope. Things can get better. 

    I joined a little after you, my Rob passed away last March. I have missed your posts, so it's just wonderful to see read your news.

    I'm so delighted for you

    • Ruby diamond x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Ruby Diamond

    Hi Ruby,

    thank you for your lovely reply , I had a brief look on the site but didn’t recognise many names so wasn’t sure anyone would remember me .

    just wanted to give others a little bit of sunshine and hope .

    Hope your doing ok x

    Pommy Mommy 

  • More good days than bad.

    The usual stress over our sons, but we have had a holiday and designed and had fitted a new kitchen. Small steps moving forwards.

    I have decided to go to get some bereavement counseling, I feel ready now.

    I really am so pleased for you.

    Ruby 

    • Ruby diamond x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Ruby Diamond

    Good for you, the counselling made a lot of difference , I’m a great believer in talking therapy .

    Small steps is a step in the right direction.

    The dogs love Peter and he loves them x

    pommy mommy 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh I remember your posts as my husband died at the end of April 2018...a similar time.  I'm so glad you have found someone else who you love. Well done for going out and persevering. I think at 64 that I am too.old to meet anyone. I dont go anywhere to meet !! My gp.suggested online dating but no way!!! My friend... suggested fly fishing...lots of men there. That made me smile anyway.   It is the silence and the loneliness that gets so hard.. but your good news is lovely. I am very pleased for you and wish u both much happiness in your life together. Your husband would be happy for you too...

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Yes my husband died February 2018 , so very similar time .

    Thank you for your kind words it means a lot , No at 64 your not too old to meet anyone , I was 54 when Will passed and I’m 56 now Peter is older at 68 and neither of us was looking for a relationship but I don’t know why we hit it off the minute we met and I really believe that we were sent for each other , it’s a lovely thought isn’t it ?

    Try the fly fishing that made me smile x

    Pommy Mommy 

  • Im  very pleased for you.  I'm not really any further forward from my loss and no way could I envisage marriage, not that I ever meet anyone. 

    Look to the moon.
    Can't imagine any future without my soulmate
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Wildcat

    Wildcat I’m so sorry that you don’t feel that your any further from your loss, I hope my post hasn’t upset you as I posted only to let others know despite our losses things can change , I was exactly the same as you and others I never once imagined that I could truly be happy again but I am , never give up.

    much love,

    Pommy Mommy x

  • No it hasn't upset me in the least, I'm delighted for you. I merely expressed where I am. 

    Look to the moon.
    Can't imagine any future without my soulmate
  • Hi Pommy Mommy,

    It's so lovely to hear/read from you. I, like many others on here I am sure, missed your posts, and it is lovely of you to give us an update with the intention to, yes, share your good news but mainly to those on here who feel that their life is over after the loss of their loved one that there can be life after loss and that for you it is indeed very good.

    I am happy for you and wish both of you a long, happy life together. I think that you have both lost a loved one with whom you were together for such a long time can bring challenges but also make you very aware of the preciousness of life and of every moment. You now know the pain of loss; I would say it makes your relationship a lot closer in some way.

    I am okay I think. I have become used to my life as it is now. And, while I miss Paul every day and certainly have moments where deep sadness hits me, over all I am good. I have stopped the constant arguing with reality saying it shouldn't have happened and what could I have done differently and all the rest, because the reality is that Paul is no longer here and that I did what I did with the best of intentions and... how can I say it? The reality is as it is and I have accepted it. I have also gone out and tried to make new friends and I have for which I am so grateful. I am still working as therapist, but from two clinics now, and I am still campaigning for Reiki or therapeutic touch in hospitals here in Ireland. I had to force myself to eat and cook for a long time; now I am certainly eating well and I have no problem cooking a meal for myself. I have not gone to counselling after my initial counselling in the hospital and I am not sure I will, but it's good to know that the option is there if I want to. So, all in all, all is good - not well but good - and I was delighted to connect with you again.

    Love, Mel.

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.