The early days

Hi Alison 

I've no tips I'm afraid to say. But what I did was to allow my feelings and emotions to fully express themselves and hold nothing back. It was important  to let them run their full course along with the grief attacks and straight forward crying. And when the storm subsided I would often just sit and stare into space: my mind going completely blank. The next step was often to visit our site and read what others were going through.It created a sense of perspective.  Often I would visit YouTube and look up the various videos about grieving.  One I found that clicked with me was entitled ' Living with Grief Series.'  Featuring a nice man called Dr. Bill Webster. He lost his wife when she was very young and he was left to bring up two young boys. So he speaks a from experience.  Gradually over the last 10 weeks I've managed to calm down a bit. Today was the only day that having returned home from Sunday lunch with kind friends I didn't burst into tears upon entering the house. 

Loveland Light 

Geoff

Thank you Geoff for your speedy reply. I have a sense that experiencing my emotions is important- letting them run their course as you say. I will look at the YouTube content you mention as well. Someone has given me a book called ‘Grief Works ‘ by Julia Samuels. I’ve only read the introduction but I have a feeling it’s going to be helpful. 

Look after yourself. 

Best wishes 

Alison

Hi I now your pain well my hubbys funreal was last Saturday ...I can't offer you much help but total understand what you are going through ..my son is still living at home only turned 17 the day befor hiss Dad passed away ..we are both so lost the house does not seem like our home any more ...My hubby and I loved the garden and I had not done any in last few weeks as I lost my Dad five weeks befor hubby I was so closed to him .

well I tried to go into garden today and a few melt downs and I think it has made me worse ..it's the being alone no one to share it with you .

i think that now you are alone after all the folk and everyone being there it really hits you ..I still can't believe that my hubby is gone in my head I think he is still in the hospital ..

sorry I can't help you much but I am hear if you just want to chat .x

Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry for your double loss - father and husband, and your son has lost his grandpa and dad. You must both be reeling. My husband lost his father when he was only 17 but he went on to eventually be a wonderful father to our two kids (30 and 26 now). I hope your son has lots of friends, College or work to help him.

Like you I’ve been unable to garden though normally love it. Maybe we should put our gardens to bed for autumn and winter and hope to feel better by Spring. 

Look after yourself x 

Hi Alison , I am so sorry for your loss, your mind must be in a complete fog in these early days. My wife passed away 11 weeks ago tomorrow, I am afraid it doesn’t get any easier. The first 8 weeks I couldn’t eat , sleep no motivation to do anything, I tried a bit of gardening but lasted about 10 minutes. What I used to do and still do sometimes was get any jobs done around the house in the morning and in the afternoon just lye on the couch and usually just cry . Now in my 11 week I get a small bit of motivation to do something, I still lye on the couch in the afternoon but just for an hour now. 

I find the loneliness and quiet around the place is the hardest part. And missing all the small things like having a cup of tea together going for a walk or just sitting there doing nothing. 

I am sorry this won’t be a lot of help to you, try and get as much rest as you can , and try and eat a little even if it is just chocolate.

and keep posting here , I found that helps because we all know what you are going through. 

Take care. 

Mike 

Hi Alison, 

This is what I'm trying, it just three months  since Jerry died, I found planning little bits targets helped so far. Comming  home to a dark empty house recently was the worst thing ever so when I know I will be late I put the radio and a lamp on a timer thats helped yes and I shout hello when I open the door why change I habit of 34 years. My friends were a godsend they arranged a weekly get together and I have also joined a club so I have something to look forward to. It's not easy but you just need to allow balance between grief and life. The last thing he wanted was me to grieve my life away.  He wants me to live twice for the both of us and to continue our journey with his love in my heart. Having understanding friends I can reach out to is great, ones that are there but also understand I also need to find a way of copping with my new life alone. Xx 

Hi  Alison 

The intectual and target seeking approach is a positive way to cope with bereavement. Sometimes through  friends and socialising.  To  add another complimetary approach. The planet Intellect is at  the opposite side of the cosmos to the planet emotion and feelings. Although these two planets seem to be at war there must come a time when things must change to create a new beginning. A wise man once said. "  It is through our emotions and sadness do we find the  peace we seek" 

Love and Light 

Geoff

A balance between grief and life, and continuing the journey with his love in my heart; I like those phrases. Thank you. Mike would want the same for me - he always wanted what was best for me and I miss having him in my corner.

’Memory is a window through which I can see you whenever I want to’. Someone sent me that and I included it in the order of service for his funeral. I find thinking about him so comforting, especially about when we were younger.

Take good care of yourself x