Counselling

Hi Andrea

I'm so glad you have started counselling.  I must admit I am thinking about asking for some.

Maybe the point is that we have someone else to talk to. Abit like being on here but face to face! A place to off load and be able to talk about our other halves without upsetting our family. 

Keep going, maybe the conversation will be more 2 way the longer you attend?

Sleep well

Hi Andrea

I think the idea of counselling is initially to let you talk and let your emotions out and crying and fits of anger are expected by the counsellor.

As the meetings progress the stages of grief will be discussed and the counsellor should help you find a way to you coping  I don't think she can tell you how to cope but work with you in finding ways that you are able to cope.

I had found this booklet for you and it may explain a bit more about counselling, maybe call it a course handbook.

Bereavement counselling

If you have any questions you would like to ask, we have a volunteer Bereavement Support Practitioner called Wendy who you could post questions on her (Missing Group) page, (click on this green text to be taken to the group page and click on ask a question), unfortunately Wendy can take a few days to reply but she will  come back to you.

Hope this helps but if we can be of any help and you want to talk to someone in the same position as you we are always here for a chat when you need to.

Ian

By clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you 

Hi Andrea,

I have had three sessions from the Hospice so far. They have been spaced out in that I went for my first session at the 3 months stage, 6 month stage and earlier this month. My husband died on 16 December 2018.

I always cry on the way there and during the session, whether I chatting about my struggles or good memories. Afterwards I feel I need to be on my own so I usually go for a walk in the park. It's a lot to take in.

I think it is important to remember that no one can take away your grief. I see crying as "releasing the pressure valve" and that's not a bad thing.

I would keep going as the support will help you through your emotions. I am a few months further down the road and it is only lately I take away something that helps me. However, I would stress that it started by sharing my thoughts in a non-judgemental environment in the first place.

Night night, with lots of love 

Dutsie Xx

I had six counselling sessions from CRUSE. She didn't really help. I talked and cried every time with little input. No coping strategies or anything to help me cope. 

Andrea

Keep going, it an outlet for your feeling with someone who will not judge and along the way will give you support that others like family and friend may not know what to do to help you at this time. 

I go to a private counsellor a bit costly but well worth it, I started going once a week, now ever fortnight. 

They are a listening ear and will remind you, that what you are going through is a natural  grieving process even though it does not feel like. They will be with you all the way, as long as you need them.

Don't expect to much to soon, it does take time.

I had been going before my husband died and she had been a great support.

It may not work for everyone though, may I say.

Love

Lesley xx

Hello Ian, 

Thank you very much for your response. It means a lot, there are people like you trying to help us. 

Andrea

Hi Lesley and All, 

Thank you all for your responses. 

I will keep going, even though i felt very bad yesterday after the session. I hope, it will get better after a few sessions. I have got 4 more sessions left. Each 50 minutes long on a weekly basis. 

I was probably expecting more from the counsellor, but it makes sense, that on the first sessions they let us talk as they need to gather information from us to enable them to help us with some advise. 

So, i am not giving up. 

Good night to you all. 

Sleep well and have a better and brighter day tomorrow. 

Love and hugs xx

Andrea

Dear Andrea, I have read your post and felt compelled to send a reply to you. I am much further on this journey than you and a lot of others, I lost my darling husband almost 3 years and 10 months ago but still dip into the forum now and then to try to give some support or help if I can.

I have lost 2 wonderful husbands and a lot of family over the years and managed to get through the mist of grief in my own way without any real support and carried on with my life as best I could. When my 2nd husband Brian was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer and I went online to this forum and received such help and support after his death that I realized that I had never given myself the chance to grieve properly before, I had always had to be strong, to put up a pretense  of being OK, getting over it, I'm fine........only I wasn't. It took the death of my younger brother 2 yrs ago that tipped me over the edge, I was full of grief and guilt and couldn't cope without some professional help so I managed to find a private counseller who was recommended to me. The first couple of sessions I spent crying and  just talking which left me exhausted but over the weeks I felt lighter as if a huge lump had been lifted from my chest. We talked about happy times, good memories, everything was relevant. I saw him every week for almost  6 months, which cost a lot of money but it was  worth every penny. I am now more confident, stronger inside which enables me to be adventurous and to live my life to the best I can.

Life is very different for us all, we cannot go back to how it was, we can only go forward. Believe me, life will get  easier in time, you will smile, even laugh again. sending you a hug.  

Hi Andrea, 

I had some counselling before, on the death of my parents but it left me feeling angry and I didn't find it helpful. When my husband was diagnosed I tried Mindfulness and CBT,  I found these more useful as it helped me understand my feelings and ways to work with them. It was tearful,  ok snot fest is a better description at times. , I'm only 3 months since Jerry died but I am using the techniques I learnt to try and help. Yes I allow myself to cry no shame in that,  I just try to keep it in Balance and not stop me functioning. Not all the techniques work for everyone but I have found some very useful and the discussions with the counsellor about what worked and what didn't gave me a better feeling of being in control. X