Losing my soul mate wife at 53

FormerMember over 5 years ago

4 replies
24 subscribers
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Hi I've been reading the stories/threads on here and we have all the same painful feelings for the loss of our soul mates.
Carolyn walked into the hospital for a normal appointment and never walked out due to cancer complications ...that day was the day my life ended too.
We only knew each other for 7 years,married for 3 ...hand on heart are the best years I've ever had with such a beautiful person inside and out.
3 weeks on and after a beautiful but devastating funeral I miss her every second of the day ....the house is now dead too I've not moved anything from the day carolyn left that day.
The pain of losing my soul mate is too powerful to put into words.
The nights the days are as we all know are a living hell.
Would I like to watch my wife go through all this this if I had gone first ..... absolutely not .... so it's a no win situation.
A Sleeping tablet and booze is my nightly routine ....I dont mind admitting I'm dissapointed in waking up ( before you say.. no I'm not over dosing or intending to..I'm not that brave )
So where do we all go from this zombie like state ... do we just go on fighting the deamons of the day each day., what have I or we done to deserve the loss of our greatest friends on earth.... I have no answers.
Like a cruise liner on a voyage with a set course , a bomb has gone off in the engine room ... now adrift listing in the sea of life.
After the funeral well wishing friends drop away text and calls diminish... its not their fault please dont get me wrong... it's normal life to them.. we can actually say its a case of them and us.
Where am I now ..... 3 weeks later ....I'm not crying as much ... the thought of a new life without carolyn is totally alien to me and frightens me so much ... the dreams we had now gone.
I have a phone full of photo memories both before and after chemo I cherish them all as that's all I have of the most wonderful girl I've ever met but painful just the same ...carolyn never moaned once in the two years she was diagnosed..brave girl.
This is my story I'm 50 ...I do wonder each day what have we done to deserve such a short time together.

I miss her more than words can say.

Thanks for reading.

Mark

Newb over 5 years ago

Hi Mark we all know what you are going through I wish we didn't but this is a good site to air you're pain as everyone is going through it to as you say it's hell

Ian

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to Newb

Thanks for the reply ...no words can say what your going through even with your diagnosis too.

I've just read your profile and you mention your wife sadly passed away with bone cancer ...was that Myeloma by any chance?.

Kind regards

Mark

MelanieL over 5 years ago

Dear Mark,

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Carolyn. And I am glad you have found this forum because it is a good place to be when you are going through such a devastating, most likely the most devastating, time of your life.

You were together 7 years and married 3. It was similar for my soul mate Paul and me. We were together 9 years and married 3 when he died. That was in May of last year.

I understan you pain. Everything happened so unexpected and without warning. In the morning she was at home and in the evening she didn't come home again.

What were the complications if you don't mind me asking? In Paul's case, he had been on Chemo for 8 months when he was diagnosed with flew and pneumonia, he fought hard, but in the end he died from various infections that his system was no longer able to fight. Unlike you, I knew when I brought him into hospital that morning that he would most likely never come home again. But whether that made it any easier in the end I don't know.

There is not much I can say to you other than that it is important that you are kind to yourself, eat little and often, even if you don't have the appetite, because grieving takes a lot of strength and you need to keep yourself strong; rest whenever you feel the need to; I am glad to hear that you have sleeping pills to make sure you sleep at night, I have them too and I would never go to bed without one; and don't let anyone tell you when to do what when it comes to moving things in the house or whatever - only we ourselves know when the time has come to move forward in our own way whatever that may mean.

Love, Mel.

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.

Newb over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Mark my wife passed from myeloma went in for chemo and never came out infection pneumonia multiple organ failure it was a shock and still getting over it

Ian

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Losing my soul mate wife at 53