feeling lost.

Hi Val 

hope you feel better soon it’s bad when your not well isn’t it and the one person you want is not here. My Man was so good when I wasn’t well he’d do anything. A few months before he passed he put his cloths in the spare room at the time saying it was more room for me in our wardrobe. Looking back now he knew what he was doing. He loved making  me things key rings  love hearts he made a horseshoe with our intials in the middle of it to hang up for luck I’ve still not hung it up my friends got it in hers with a bagful of all the stuff he made me cards and love letters. She’s kept hold of them till I’m ready to look and read them again for some reason I wanted them out the house till I was ready to see them all again. His clothes I’ve not touched on saying that probably because there in the spare room and I don’t go in wether I haven’t touched them because there not in our room and I don’t see them I don’t know tbh 

love Jane 

Aww thank you for your reply Jane,Alan was brilliant whenever I was poorly,I’m such a baby when I’m not well and he would be so thoughtful and caring.Aww your horseshoe sounds really lovely Jane you should hang it up.what a lovely thing to make for you.Well I’ve just made some hot chocolate hopefully it will help me sleep,my doctor gave me some tablets but I don’t really want to get used to something like that so reluctant to take them,hope you can get some sleep..      Val x

Hi Val I still have my wife's hair spray and toiletries next to my bed and in the drawers I have all the important things she had little letters she sent to me and presents I will never get rid of them whatever people say so I'm no different to you her clothes my son moved to a charity shop it may help someone else 

Hi Val,

There are, even after 15 months, still a lot of things belonging to Paul in the house.

Shortly after his death, I brought a couple of clothes to a nearby charity shop. But I couldn't go on with it, it just felt wrong, like I was being disloyal, I was also afraid that I would regret it later - almost as if I had thrown him out.

So now I still have jumpers and t-shirts and shirts in the wardrobe. I have his aftershaves still in the bathroom beside my perfume. And here in our second bedroom, which we always called our office, I have our bookshelf which contains all of his books as well as my few books and CDs.

My mum asked me a while ago if I didn't want to get rid off the books. No, I said, I don't think so. I like them there, they belonged to my man, and they are not in my way either.

I did, however, threw Paul's underwear out the other day when I had to clear out the hotpress because a plumber had to have a look at my boiler.

So I am not totally against removing things that belonged to Paul but I don't "have to" do it either.

Take your time with all of this. Nobody is rushing you.

Love, Mel.

If I owned my house nothing would have. Been moved because it was council house I was ?liable for bedroom tax also 3bedrooms is to much for me but I have many things of value to me as memories and I hold them every night wishing she was here again silly isn't it but I just can't get past that bit

Thank you for your kind words Mel,I have all his things just want them here around me,yes I have cleared his underwear drawer but that’s it.I know I’m going to have to it one day but just not ready yet.             

Take care,Love Val.

Thank you for your reply Newb, No it’s not silly holding her things every night,I made a cushion out of one of Alan’s shirts and I cuddle it every night,just feels good,I can still smell his body spray on it. Hope you settle in your new home, Take care,...Val

Hi all

i completely understand not wanting to move or remove anything. In the days after Mark died I put on a wash from our laundry basket and i had to put all his clean underwear back in his drawer and his shirts in the wardrobe. I haven’t moved anything. I can’t bear the thought that his whole existence will just be removed. I even still charge his phone and carry it around in my handbag. I don’t know what i will do when i am forced to sell the house, if i had my choice i would keep Mark’s things around me forever, we’ve lived in this same house for the last 10 years and were really happy together, i don’t want to feel like our life didn’t exist. It will be 9 weeks next Thursday since he’s died, I’m still waiting for it all to be a bad dream and for him to come back.

Fiona x

Hi Fiona I am the same I won’t move any of Winnie’s things it makes me feel she is still around if all her things are in place , even the tooth brush is still in the bathroom. I light a candle by her picture at 9 o’clock and blow it out when I go to bed . How our life’s can change so quickly is unbelievable, there just doesn’t seem to be any future.

 Mike 

Hi Val and everyone else I have moved into my father-in-laws house his wife was also taken by myeloma to so he has lost wife and daughter it's not a home anymore I think we both sir there waiting to see who goes first sounds morbid but it just is the way it is both of us just go through the motions