Newly bereaved

Hi Kate.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here after the loss of your husband. The sympathy cards are well meant and will bring comfort further down the line. You will be able to appreciate everyone's messages and be thankful that your husband touched so many.

I think and reading alot of posts on here we find that after the roller coaster cancer ride we are left feeling numb, exhausted and shocked. We never asked to live this half life but that's what we have ended up with.

There are alot of stages of grief and they come in waves, my main feeling is just sadness. Sad my lovely husband only got 47 years, he will never see our sons grown into men, get married and have their own families. My husband would have been an amazing Grandad, he was a fabulous husband.

I know what you mean about the tea and chat invitations, again well meant but exhausting all the same. This site is great for saying exactly what you feel, and sometimes just reading other posts makes you feel "normal"  and we all understand .

Please look after yourself, eat and rest and cry when you need to 

Ruby 

Hi Kate so sorry you have to join us in this painful club . My darling wife died 5 weeks today of melanoma which spread to her brain the last few weeks were very quick, she passed at home in her own bed which was nice , when did your husband pass . I find the hardest part is the lonlyness and quietness . We are always here if you want to post. And we all know what you are going through. 

Take care. 

Mike 

Hi Kate,

so sorry for your loss, it sounds very recent. My gorgeous man died just over 8 weeks ago and I still feel like it’s all a bad dream. The only thing i will say that has been true for me so far is that you need to do what feels ok for you. There will be so many emotions that you need to give yourself a break from trying to be “normal” and just do what you are able to do at the time.

many many people have told me to “be kind to myself” but i didn’t even know what that meant. What i’ve figured out is that it just means don’t feel guilty or beat yourself up if you  are not coping or are having a bad day. Tonight all i managed for dinner was a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar but i let myself do it because i couldn’t be bothered to do anything else. I spend a lot of time online, i’m on the WAY website too and on an Irish site called widow.ie and all of those help me to see that what i’m feeling is ok, in my “real” life i’m struggling to find anyone who actually understands how shit it is to lose your soulmate like we have.

come on here to vent, or chat, or be sad, or look for reassurance. It will help.

take care

Fiona 

Hi Ruby

thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you are also suffering the loss of a great man...cut down in his prime to this horrible disease.

Today is the first time I have been totally alone in three weeks of planning Nigel’s funeral and the initial few days after. Ours was a second marriage built on trust, honesty love and respect... something sadly missing in our first marriages. Our children...my 2 and his 4 grew up together and bonded really well and have been supportive to us both over the last 18 months as well as trying to come to terms with the momentous changes to their lives too.

like you say our husbands will not be able to share the joys that their lives will bring and selfishly I’m wondering what will become of me.

 I feel so alone, isolated from the life and routines we had together... today I am sad, and done nothing except sit and stare into space....I can’t even bring myself to wear colour preferring black and so far just drinking tea.

Hope your day has given you some comfort 

kate

Hi Kate. Yes when the funeral is over and everyone else goes back to some sort of normality and you are left alone that is when it hits you, that your darling husband/ wife in my case are gone and you are on your own. Winnie passed away 5 weeks last Monday. I find I can’t be bothered to do anything when they’re is no one to do it for. Life just seems so pointless even when I go somewhere that we went together before makes me sad and tearful. Like you I don’t know what the future holds , and I am scared to even think about it. Sorry Kate this hasn’t helped you at all . Hope tomorrow is better for you. 

Mike 

Hello Fiona

thanks for your response and sorry to hear about your husband too.

nigel died on the 29 July and today is the first day I have been totally alone and absorbed in grief. I feel so sad it hurts... wondering what the future holds for me?

sat most of the day staring into an abyss of negativity and I am so tired...mentally and physically worn out after organising a fitting tribute and funeral for him last week.

The children have all returned to jobs, uni and their own abodes....and don’t live near so it’s well meaning neighbours and endless tea and chat.

 I just want to turn back the clock to when all was well in our lives.

will take a look at the web pages you mentioned

take care

kate

Hi Kate

Thank you for your reply.

Yesterday our youngest son returned to school which made me sad, the world keeps turning and life goes on without our consent. I waved him off on the bus and walked my lovely dog. Then our eldest son went to work so my first full day on our own for 6 weeks..

I made plans for coffee out with a pal in the morning and came home for lunch. I did just sit in the afternoon not really doing anything. My boys were home with stories of their day which is great to share. 

I can't think of them leaving home as I will be so lonely then. That's when Rob and I were going to do things as a couple again. Life is so unfair.

I hope today you find something to smile about, I always do. Even if it's just the birds at my feeder I do appreciate them.