When they were first diagnosed

Hi Andrea yes they seem to be getting worse I to have to hide in toilet to try and stop the tears it is so hard one minute I'm ok the next a wave of dispair comes over and your fighting back tears 

     Hope your day is a bit better today 

Hi Carolyn I do agree the pain in losing a partner is more painfull than losing a child I have lost a son and it was painfull but my wife is like torture 

It's almost 2 years since Paul died and it does get easier, but there are times like last night it comes back again like it was yesterday. I had this awful dream that I was with Paul asking him if our life together had been good. His face was changed, all angular and he was obviously ill. All deaths are traumatic and dreadfully upsetting. We have to get by as best as we can. My life has changed so much and will never be the same again. Love to you all x

Hi All, 

reading all the comments on the thread I wrote it seems the raw grief hits us all at different stages mine was definitely when my man was first diagnosed terminal. As I put in my original post the pain was unmerciful and it saddens me so many of us have been dealt this cruel hand . What is so obvious in the comments is we think oh we are feeling a tiny bit ok if we can call it that then wallop out of nowhere feel this horrendous heartache again I miss my man every beat of my heart but what I felt  when writing this thread was at least now I can read his letters or texts he’d done and il either cry or now I am beginning to smile remembering is fabulous sense of humour such a funny man. Where as when he was still here I couldn’t even look at them I couldn’t read all our declaring of love or our hopes and dreams if that makes sense because I knew our planned future was no longer going to happen. Hand on my heart I honestly don’t know how I came through that raw grief stage I’m still in pain now missing him but it’s a different type now that I’m learning to live with where as before I couldn’t function at all I hope and pray it’s not long for you all that are still in the raw grief stage that you get to the next level of grief soon where it’s not as painful and you can function a little better 

night all love Jane x

Hi all,

I agree with you, Jane and Honey666, in saying that, even though it is getting easier with time, there are still times when it really hits you and you feel the pain like you did in the raw stage of grief whether that was with the first diagnosis or during the illness or when our loved ones died.

I have days now when I feel really good - well, not good like really happy (I don't think I can feel really, really happy) but somewhat happy or content. But then there are days when I feel very sad and lonely and miss Paul more consciously than on all the other days.

I think whar we learn over time is to function better and to cope better with the times when the pain is very strong. I personally don't think, however, that I will experience a day ever when I am really okay about my life as it is now because I do want Paul in my life and I am only half without him or something like that. He was my best friend, my man, my soul mate, my everything. Life without him is possible but it is not great if you know what I mean.

Love, Mel.

Hi Carolyn and all,

I could relate to your post so well, Carolyn.

I feel the same. The raw grief is hitting me from time to time - this knowledge that Paul will never be back and that I will never feel his living warmth beside me, never cuddle up to him again, never hold him and be held, never laugh or cry with him, never hear his beautiful voice except on recordings, etc. - but most times I feel him in my thoughts and my heart but can function normally around that.

I will never ever take off my engagement and wedding ring. I am Paul's wife and will always be his wife. As you say, neither of us chose to end the marriage, we are still married, just that one of us is no longer here.

Love and hugs, Mel.