Just what is the difference between self pity and grief ?

Hi Geoff. I am so sorry for your loss . I know how you feel my wife passed away 3weeks Monday. We were together 44 years married for 43 . I don’t do much shopping at all and when I do it’s just the very minimum. I find the loneliness the worst we were always together. . Now trying to do things without Winnie its so hard and just seems pointless. I think self pity and grief are all rolled into one . I grieve for Winnie all the time and then think what am I going to do without her by my side so it is a bit of both. Here’s hoping it gets better for everyone and the pain eases.

 Mike  

 Hi there, first of all, please accept my condolences on the passing of your life. I am so sorry. 

 I think your question is an interesting one. I suppose self-pity is when we can only see ourselves and  when everything goes back to ourselves all the time such as: I feel so sorry for myself, I feel so  unfairly treated by life, asking ourselves constantly why this had to happen to us and so on. But grieve means that, yes, while we do feel all those things mentioned above, we also simply feel the loss of the person who was  dearest to us. And maybe we don’t even feel unfairly treated by life but simply feel the pain of losing that other person and everything that comes with that.  I think self-pity is very self centred where is grief is not. And I also think that self-pity can be a part of grieving as well as so many other things can. That’s only my opinion for what it is worth. 

Hi Mike 

Thanks for your reply. I can empathise with your sentiments. It's the lonelyness that bites. Our house is soulless without my Anne- . I  mostly buy ready meals now and put them in the freezer whether they are suitable for freezing or not. I really don't care. But I'm still here so perhaps it doesn't matter. Perhaps it's the quality of the food after cooking the manufacturer's are making reference to? I did buy a microwave steamer and use frozen veg to cook in it when I'm in the mood to attempt to cook properly. Like you its a quick nip into the super market and out as quickly as possible. My darling Anne used to spend ages food shopping examining every item before bringing our groceries home with me to turn into delicious meals. Now that all gone.  So I just survive from day to day having to deal with her Will and solicitor. Such a cold blooded process when all I want is to think about our love and how that vile disease cancer has taken Anne away. Stay hopeful Mike. Maybe there is some kind of light awaiting us at the end of this black hole we are in.

Geoff.

Dear Mel 

Thank you so much for your well thought out reply. Of course you are right. And I thank you again for your clarification of these  dreadful times we the bereaved are going through. 

Geoff.