14 months on

Hi I’m not that far down the line as you but I do understand how you feel it all of a sudden hits you again and again. Did you or do you still feel angry about your loss because I do all the time and no one around me knows how I’m feeling x

It has been 15 months since I lost John. I have realised that I will never stop missing him or grieving for our life together. I think that may be a normal reaction.

However I find myself feeling positive more often and am coming to terms with having to cope without him. in fact I think I am doing OK. I  have done a lot of travelling in the past 15 months and I have found that I quite like travelling on my own. John was an incredibly grumpy traveller - particularly during the journeys to get there. I certainly don’t miss that!  

Also I hadn’t realised how stressed I was during the period before his death when he wasn’t at all well.( and had been given the terminal diagnosis) His health hadn’t been good for a few years and he was prone to low mood at times. That was tough to deal with too. 

 I have a little cry every day when the grief hits me but it doesn’t last too long. I have found comfort in talking to others who have lost their partners. We all seem to share similar feelings and experiences.

i think that feeling sadness and grief is probably a normal reaction. I am just trying my best to feel more positive, more often.

Sending positive thoughts to everyone

Leonie

Leonie,  your post describes exactly how I have been feeling for the past while. Also similar time scale to yours.  And also in our situation, he was unwell for a long time and had trouble with mood swings and on off it cost a lot of stress for both of us. So we seem to be very similar in many ways. So your post not only describes how I have been feeling but also what I have been going through in the past years. Love and hugs 

It’s 15months since I lost John and Find myself having quite a lot of positive times now, thoughts of him are always there and I feel incredibly sad at what I’ve been robbed of, incredibly sad at what he’s missing out on, he was a big cricket fan & our nephew plays professionally for yorkshire, he would be here there & everywhere watching & our wonderful grandchildren would bring such joy to him, I find though now I can look forward to things, I feel excited again over doing things and I can laugh again naturally instead of forcing smiles.  Just last night my daughter said to me, we smile at our memories now, I talk about John a lot with my daughters & my family bring him into conversation all the time which I feel helps.  Every day I miss John like crazy but I am starting to smile & laugh again, last year at this time I couldn’t even imagine laughing naturally at the tv.

lots of love to you all xxx

Hi Pollymoll and all,

Its been 7 months for me. I also find myself crying in car journeys out of the blue. I don't think grief ever goes but having a cry certainly does bring it to the surface and that is okay.

I attach a link on a BBC programme about grief which I watched after someone put on this forum a few months ago. It helped me to understand and put matters in perspective i.e. acceptance of there is no set formula to grief.

https://youtu.be/X55TJRj9HUk

Hope this helps. Personally, I continue to "try" to look after myself on the basics. I don't always get it right or have the energy. That's okay too.

Saying that I continue to go to my yoga classes, try a bit more cooking, and generally try to get more exercise which gives me a positive focus.

There are matters that are still bothering me so I contacted bereavement support last week to talk things over. For me one session at the 3 months stage was enough until now. I am lucky that I can chat to family and friends but sometimes I find it easier to really let go with unconnected people. That maybe just me...

I am grateful that most days I can genuinely smile but that does not mean the sadness is not there.

With lots of love,

Dutsie x