The way some people are

Tricky one.  You will have to put all the bitterness behind you in order to establish some sort of relationship, but I ask my self why you would want a relationship with this woman who has caused so much pain for you and your partner.  Are you just trying to get closer to your partner, if that makes sense.  Go if you must but be careful.  You could be opening a hornets nest.  I hope it works out well. Love Dolly xx

Hi Dolly,

If I’m honest I think it was a bit more for her and the kids. The only thing I’d gain from it is the step daughter wouldn’t be under pressure to speak to me. She’s in contact in secret to me with out her step mother knowing. My partner had other grown up children to another woman when that relationship broke down he then married this woman a few years later and had a couple of kids to her. This woman as threatened her step daughter that if she as anything to do with me she will make sure her kids won’t have anything to do with her. The step daughter adores her half siblings and feels they are all she as left of her Dad and me she wants a relationship with me saying my Dad loved and adored you he was so happy with you. I really don’t know why this woman is like this with me because I never interfered with her or my Man if they were arguing over kids etc. Id like to be able to think of any of the kids wanted to speak or talk about there Dad they can with out them upsetting there Mum. I don’t think she was still in love with my man because even before I come on the seen there relationship was horrendous they didn’t even speak I actually got them speaking again for the sake of the kids and we were ok for years it was only when my man got diagnosed terminal it all went down hill with this woman wanting his pension and everything he owned it was just bad the way she went about things she didn’t have to do wat she did x 

Hi Dolly 

Well after been up all night thinking what am I doing why have a reached out and agreed to meet her, At one point I decided I wasn’t going to go but I did I went and meet her for a coffee this morning. If I’m honest I trembled from head to toe when she sat opposite me. To my shock she apologised to me and started to cry she talked about the anger she had held for a number of years towards my man. I did understand this because while married to her he’d had a couple of affairs I didn’t find this out till at least over a year or Two of being with him and I told him straight had I have know he was that type of man I’d never of gone near him, but by then I’d fell madly in love with him I got the usual he wasn’t happy at home stuff it did at first cause a massive strain on my own relationship with him because all of a sudden he wasn’t this man I thought he was he just didn’t come across to me as that type of fella. I explained all this to his wife when she spoke of the affairs he’d had on her. She apologised for they way she was with me saying she knows and feels guilty now especially the way things turned out but at the time she thought the only way she could get back at her estranged husband was by attacking me because she knew he’d know found happiness. She wanted to hurt him so badly for what he’d done to her over the years. I did thing it took a lot for her to say that. she then brought her oldest daughter in to meet me I’ve seen her on loads of pictures. Oh how I cried she’s the double of her Dad  she’s going to come to my house soon I told her anything she wanted of her Dads she can have. The poor girl is devastated over her Father and it was her who spoke to her Mum saying all Jane’s done is fall in love with my Dad she’s never caused us no harm, So after this morning I feel I can sort of let this bitterness and anger go towards his X she and it shown today she’s in utter guilt over the last few months of is life.

I won’t forget what she done to him but I can let the anger go now because she also went into depths for they way she acted in his final months, the woman didn’t have to say all she did but I think we both got closure and at least we can try and move forward and that my partner kids know they are welcome to there Dads house when ever they want. 

I do now feel a weights been lifted from my chest is kids don’t think I’m some sort of villain, I don’t have all these questions I wanted answered running around eating away at my brain all the time now. I can focus on healing well trying to now instead of carrying this anger towards her . 

Love Jane x

Hi Jane,  I am glad it all worked out ok and you feel some sort of closure and relief and I am glad the children will be able to be more open with their mother and stepmother.  Just take it slowly.  Don’t expect too much, but at least the ice has been broken.  Your partner would have been proud of you.  The main thing now is to put yourself first and look after you.  You have done your best so now take care of you. Xx

Thanks Dolly,

I feel like I can now and I know my darling will be looking down proud today. Plus knowing is kids can come to our home now when ever they want because there Mum  is fine with it. Something she said today really struck a cord with me. Her daughter said I know you loved my Dad but if you ever meet anyone else would it be awkward if we still visited you because I just feel so close to Dad just sitting here with you. Before I said anything her Mum said oh seeetheart don’t worry about that Jane and your Father were soulmates your Dad loved her as she did him it will be a very long time before she’d even look at another man and that’s if she ever will. That really got me and thought it was a nice thing for her to say to her daughter. 

I am going to take your advice now and take it all slowly and try and look after myself more  properly x

hope you had a good weekend love Jane x