Struggling

Hi Mike was up at 2.00 everything going round in my head back to bed after a hot drink now don't want to get up for work  it's a crazy life we lead now 

Hi Newb it sure is a crazy life we lead now, and it’s not getting any better. Hope work goes ok for you today. 

Mike 

Hi Mike 

Well put Mike. I'm sat waiting to go to work tonight and no matter what we're doing or whom we are with. The emptyness inside is ever present and unshakeable. 8 hours at work tonight changes nothing. The silence pervades through our entire being. No matter how positive I try to be, the empty silence is now ingrained in my bones.

Cast adrift and without a purpose anymore. 

Hoping one day the fog may lift, and a purpose to life returns. Rather than just existing as is the case now. 

Hi Mark , I hope you have a good night , and yes this silence is a killer. 

Hi,

Today is the 10 month anniversary of my husband's death. I'm a  mess. Crying all day long. Can't get the memories out of my head - the suffering, the pain, the anguish. Even happy memories are painful. Sometimes, it's so unbearable. I had a few days of relative calm and, here it is again - all the sorrow engulfing me..

Morning limbo sounds like you are really struggling at the moment,it’s a horrible time we are all going through and I wonder if things will ever get any better ?.I really hope so for all of us.Thats all I seem to do is cry would never have thought a person could cry so much,IVe ended up getting some pills from the doctor,didn’t want to but just not coping at all.I hope this week is a bit better for you and everyone.,best wishes to you.x

Morning Limbo,

Our timeframe is similar. I lost my husband on 16 December 2018. Last week was rough and only managed to get into work a couple of hours here and there. I was feeling a bit under the weather and I find at these times the grief hits me more.

Still feeling low and found myself crying in the car just few moments ago. Overall I have been okay but has hit me recently again, not sure if it is because we are nearing the one year mark. Having flashbacks and not sleeping well. Seeing the doctors later this week. 

Anyway, sharing to say you are not alone and hope you feel better soon. 

With lots of love,

Dutsie x

Hi limbo 

Sorry your having a bad time duck . You're not alone, it's 9 months for me and I feel no different to you. It don't get any easier, I'm off to at work for 2pm. Just to fill 8 empty lonely hours. We all hope it will get easier with time but we sure as hell don't feel it. It feels like the torment will never end.

The silence is killing me. All we can do cling on to hope that some day we will feel at ease. 

I don't have any answers, Stumbling in the dark. 

Hi Dutsie 

As you rightly say "nearing the one year mark" I don't feel any better. I think to myself, how can I fill the empty void inside and with what. When your life has been wrapped up in your other half's, how can you fill that gapping hole.

I just try and get through today and then tomorrow. It's existing not living. 

The torment just continues. 

Hi Celldaddy,

Thank you for your message.

I have just had a lovely evening at the pub meeting friends. It was nice to share stories about Richard and am comforted by this.

So the day has ended on a better note. They say grief comes in waves and am not surprised I am up and down lately. I have got through many firsts already, better than anticipated. However, I still dread next month, what would have been his birthday and of course December.

It also does not help that the hospital will be writing to me next month as I had a few questions that I put to them last month. It does not change things, but not knowing also plays on my mind. 

Yes! There is a gaping hole!! I describe myself as still trying find myself and it is hard. Saying that I find that there is always something to be grateful for each day and I have a lot of time to reflect on this. Having this mindset has helped me to move forward and enjoy moments in an otherwise dire situation, to put it mildly.

Hoping I get a better sleep tonight, Night night x